Chart it, map it and then stop it: When do you find yourself getting hostile? Here’s what Joelle (and I) came up with:

I get hostile when I tamp down what I’m feeling…

When I give in when I know it’s against my best interest…

When I mentally bargain with someone else even if they don’t even know I’m bargaining with them (I’ll give him a lot and surely he’ll do the same for me)

When I say “it doesn’t matter”when it does matter.

I get hostile when I feel resentment boil inside me and I don’t find an appropriate release and it comes out in angry words…

When I keep being a volunteer for the same act and I’m feeling like a victim…

When I abandon myself and my needs to please somebody else.

As surely as the sun sinks in the west, we can map out when we’re drifting into hostile territory. Is this the person we want to sound like? Is this the way we can be happy? Is this our best selves and our best chapter? No and no and no, again.

Before negative feelings have a hostile takeover of your brain, stop. Make sure you’re on the right course, the right time, with the right person.

Ask yourself, “I get hostile when ____” and fill in the blank.

Then we have to sit with the discomfort that comes with feeling someone might abandon us if we strive for something that others might not approve of.

There are some great suggestions in how to restart your life here by Dr. Barton Goldsmith in www.psychologytoday.com.

To  live your best chapter, don’t be prey to a hostile takeover.