Stopping That Hostile Takeover

Chart it, map it and then stop it: When do you find yourself getting hostile? Here’s what Joelle (and I) came up with:

I get hostile when I tamp down what I’m feeling…

When I give in when I know it’s against my best interest…

When I mentally bargain with someone else even if they don’t even know I’m bargaining with them (I’ll give him a lot and surely he’ll do the same for me)

When I say “it doesn’t matter”when it does matter.

I get hostile when I feel resentment boil inside me and I don’t find an appropriate release and it comes out in angry words…

When I keep being a volunteer for the same act and I’m feeling like a victim…

When I abandon myself and my needs to please somebody else.

As surely as the sun sinks in the west, we can map out when we’re drifting into hostile territory. Is this the person we want to sound like? Is this the way we can be happy? Is this our best selves and our best chapter? No and no and no, again.

Before negative feelings have a hostile takeover of your brain, stop. Make sure you’re on the right course, the right time, with the right person.

Ask yourself, “I get hostile when ____” and fill in the blank.

Then we have to sit with the discomfort that comes with feeling someone might abandon us if we strive for something that others might not approve of.

There are some great suggestions in how to restart your life here by Dr. Barton Goldsmith in

To  live your best chapter, don’t be prey to a hostile takeover.

About dianabletter

Diana Bletter is the author of several books, including The Invisible Thread: A Portrait of Jewish American Women (with photographs by Lori Grinker), shortlisted for a National Jewish Book Award. Her novel, A Remarkable Kindness, (HarperCollins) was published in 2015. She is the First Prize Winner of Moment Magazine's 2019 Fiction Contest. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Commentary, tabletmag, Glamour, The Forward, The North American Review, Times of Israel, and is a reporter for Israel21C, and many other publications. She is author of Big Up Yourself: It's About Time You Like Being You and The Mom Who Took off On Her Motorcycle, a memoir of her 10,000-mile motorcycle trip to Alaska and back to New York. She lives in a small beach village in Western Galilee, Israel, with her husband and family. She is a member of the local hevra kadisha, the burial circle, and a Muslim-Jewish-Christian-Druze women's group in the nearby town of Akko. And, she likes snowboarding and climbing trees.
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1 Response to Stopping That Hostile Takeover

  1. This was perfect for the holidays, seriously. When it’s too cold to get out and burn off energy, and everyone is bumping into each other in the house.
    The article from PSYCHOLOGY TODAY was good, too. Yes, the phoenix has to burn before it can rise!

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