Tool For Tuesday. Think Football. Block That Resentment.

OK, we all have someone we love to resent. Our Billboard Top 10 List. Our secret someone. Sometimes it’s almost like a love affair, all that time we waste being angry, hurt, seething at that special someone.

We justify it, of course. Claim that we’re right, they’re wrong, and someimtes we go to great lengths rehashing the story with friends, getting them to see our side.

Here’s the secret: nobody wants to hear it. Please don’t share, again, how tough it is, how much you were hurt.

Be like a football player. You’ve got to block that resentment. You’ve got to let it go and move on. Pretend you have the biggest, baddest brutes watching you, standing guard on the corners of your mind. They will stop your resentment from seeping in your brain. Each time you start to replay the scene, the dialogue and how you’re plotting revenge, get those guys to block it. Don’t let the resentment in. It only hurts you. It’s like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

As tough as it is, pray for the person you resent. Pray for their health, happiness and prosperity. Pray that they will receive everything you wish for yourself. I don’t know why this works but it helps you grow calmer and more peaceful.

If you can’t do that yet, then at least come up with a nickname for the person so that you laugh when you mention him. My friend Lily who works with a woman named Liz (her resentment of choice) calls her Fizz. McKelly becomes McBelly. You get the idea.

There’s no resentment that’s worth keeping. Check out my post here about Sam’s elderly mother-in-law who still had resentments and grudges from 50 years ago. Do you want to keep spitting into your own spaghetti sauce?

About dianabletter

Diana Bletter is the author of several books, including The Invisible Thread: A Portrait of Jewish American Women (with photographs by Lori Grinker), shortlisted for a National Jewish Book Award. Her novel, A Remarkable Kindness, (HarperCollins) was published in 2015. She is the First Prize Winner of Moment Magazine's 2019 Fiction Contest. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Commentary, tabletmag, Glamour, The Forward, The North American Review, Times of Israel, and is a reporter for Israel21C, and many other publications. She is author of Big Up Yourself: It's About Time You Like Being You and The Mom Who Took off On Her Motorcycle, a memoir of her 10,000-mile motorcycle trip to Alaska and back to New York. She lives in a small beach village in Western Galilee, Israel, with her husband and family. She is a member of the local hevra kadisha, the burial circle, and a Muslim-Jewish-Christian-Druze women's group in the nearby town of Akko. And, she likes snowboarding and climbing trees.

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2 Responses to Tool For Tuesday. Think Football. Block That Resentment.

Tracy Campbell says:

November 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

You’re right, resentment only hurts “you”. Not you, personally. LOL
And the other problem with holding onto resentment, the party that’s injured “you” probably has no idea they’ve done anything wrong.
Love the last line, “Do you want to keep spitting into your own spaghetti sauce?” 😀
Great post, Diana!

Marylin Warner says:

November 28, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Can we write about it? ;=)

Another excellent, much needed post, Diana.