My friend Lily had a presentation to prepare for at a major business conference. A colleague of hers—we’ll call her Sandra—said, “I hope your presentation isn’t going to be boring and full of details.”

Lily said defensively, “It isn’t!” But Lily was nervous…until she sat through Sandra’s presentation which was…of course…boring and full of details!

If you spot it, you got it.

Say about someone, “he doesn’t like me.” The truth really is that you don’t like him.

Say that your neighbor is judgmental. Are you—just a wee bit—judgmental? Or have you already caught that trait in yourself, worked on transforming your character defects, and now can recognize it–almost in hindsight–in someone else?

I’m a perfectionist…I spot that in others right away. I’ve always felt critical of myself, so I’m in tune to people who are still finding flaws in everything and everybody.

So if we spot something we’re not comfortable with, then we can transform ourselves by substituting the opposite. Don’t like people who talk too much? Practice saying less. Don’t like giving reviews about people? Practice forgiveness. And, look for things we like in others and strive for them. I admire my friend Lily’s determination. I see it in her and want to develop that in myself.

Tool for Tuesday: You spot it in someone else, recognize that what you see is in yourself. The world is a mirror. A reflection of our souls. We see others the way we see ourselves.