Psst…You Might Be the Problem.

Really? Moi?

A friend called me the other day wanting to vent about her son. Yeah, he’s a rotten egg right now only because he’s 26, lost his job (again), lost his telephone (again), and is behind on the rent (ditto).

“It’s so hard,” she said to me. “He lies to me…We argue…he lies again…”

Can’t “get through” to someone?

Stop. Hold it right there.

Only talk about the weather.

Confrontations make everything worse.

Asking too many questions pushes people away.

Let you mind open up just wide enough to admit this unpleasant reality: YOU might be the problem.

You might be aggravating, intensifying & exacerbating the situation.

I know, I know: he’s the crazy one and you’re not the one who keeps losing your job.

But by you’re getting in there and trying to fix things, you’re losing your mind. Admit that, at least.

The one you love is on his own journey and you’re not helping him by trying to get through to him. You can’t help him, you just can’t. Try to be less like you usually are and be more like a brand new you. That’ stransformation. And it’s contagious.

Thought for the day: Just talk about the weather. 

Oh, check out my latest article in The Huffington Post and let me know if you want to reduce your carbon footprint by recycling yourself. It’s a tough decision and everyone’s got an opinion.

About dianabletter

Diana Bletter is the author of several books, including The Invisible Thread: A Portrait of Jewish American Women (with photographs by Lori Grinker), shortlisted for a National Jewish Book Award. Her novel, A Remarkable Kindness, (HarperCollins) was published in 2015. She is the First Prize Winner of Moment Magazine's 2019 Fiction Contest. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Commentary, tabletmag, Glamour, The Forward, The North American Review, Times of Israel, and is a reporter for Israel21C, and many other publications. She is author of Big Up Yourself: It's About Time You Like Being You and The Mom Who Took off On Her Motorcycle, a memoir of her 10,000-mile motorcycle trip to Alaska and back to New York. She lives in a small beach village in Western Galilee, Israel, with her husband and family. She is a member of the local hevra kadisha, the burial circle, and a Muslim-Jewish-Christian-Druze women's group in the nearby town of Akko. And, she likes snowboarding and climbing trees.
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3 Responses to Psst…You Might Be the Problem.

  1. Cynthia says:

    Talking about the weather is a lot like “ah-hum”. They both do a terrific job. And you, what a job you are doing, I can’t wait for the next blog!

    • dianabletter says:

      You’re right–“ah-hum” = “oh” and talking about the weather. Sometimes the best thing I said was nothing at all! Er…um…oh…ah…yep, thank you for writing!

  2. It’s sunny, bright, warm and beautiful on the front range of the Colorado Rockies today.
    That’s it.
    (I love this post.)

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