Tool For Tuesday: Get Better or Get Bitter.

Less than two years before my friend—I’ll call her Tracy—died, she found out that her husband was cheating on her. She was furious, obviously. He moved out. A while later, we met for lunch. I told her I was amazed at how serene she seemed.

“I knew that I had two choices,” Tracy told me. “I could get better. Or I could stay bitter for the rest of my life.”

Who knew back then that the rest of her life would only be another 400 days or so? But she was right to choose getting better. Because if not, she would have wasted those last days being angry, resentful, sad, furious, full of pity and plotting useless revenge.

Tracy ealized that she had to make it whether she had a husband or not. She had to take care of herself. The last page of this chapter of her life was not what she envisioned for herself. It certainly wasn’t the happily ever after ending she wanted.

But it is what it is. Bad things happen to good people. The question is, what are you going to about it? How can you take your experience and use it for your own transformation? How can you grow from it? Tracy spent some time angry, then hurt, then betrayed, then rejected, and then she had to move toward acceptance. We all have a choice in that. That is our transformation. That makes us in charge of our own lives.

This post is written in memory of my terrific friend who reminded me this Tool For Tuesday:

Get better, or get bitter.

About dianabletter

Diana Bletter is the author of several books, including The Invisible Thread: A Portrait of Jewish American Women (with photographs by Lori Grinker), shortlisted for a National Jewish Book Award. Her novel, A Remarkable Kindness, (HarperCollins) was published in 2015. She is the First Prize Winner of Moment Magazine's 2019 Fiction Contest. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Commentary, tabletmag, Glamour, The Forward, The North American Review, Times of Israel, and is a reporter for Israel21C, and many other publications. She is author of Big Up Yourself: It's About Time You Like Being You and The Mom Who Took off On Her Motorcycle, a memoir of her 10,000-mile motorcycle trip to Alaska and back to New York. She lives in a small beach village in Western Galilee, Israel, with her husband and family. She is a member of the local hevra kadisha, the burial circle, and a Muslim-Jewish-Christian-Druze women's group in the nearby town of Akko. And, she likes snowboarding and climbing trees.
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2 Responses to Tool For Tuesday: Get Better or Get Bitter.

  1. In memory of your friend Tracy, thank you for this post.

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