You are you and they are they.
Sometimes, we don’t know where we end and the people we love begin. We want to help people but sometimes we rob them of the failures that they need in order to grow and change.
We want other people to help us. Then we need to remind ourselves that if we don’t learn to rescue ourselves, we’ll keep staying stuck.
We need boundaries between us and the people we love. A kind reader pointed out to me that boundaries help us like the people we love. Without boundaries, we sometimes slip into resentments. Why? Because we’re doing too much for others. We’re indulging in savior behavior. We’re focusing on rescuing someone else and then forget about ourselves. Our own needs, our own desires. That’s also known as codependency, something Melody Beattie writes about so well.
Some people trample on our boundaries. They tell us too much. They want us too much. They cry for our help and accuse us of being selfish when we refuse to jump in and do exactly what they want, when they want. Remember, we should not confuse neediness with love.
My friend, Jane, always tells me: We each are given a certain amount of glue to heal ourselves. But we can’t give away our glue to heal or fix someone else. They have their own glue. They have to learn to use it.
Tool for Tuesday: Mark Your Boundaries. Fences make good neighbors. Boundaries make good friends.