Stop and Surrender

Posted on October 17, 2011 by dianabletter

Sometimes I go kicking and fighting into the next chapter of my life.
Sometimes I don’t want to follow through on the marching orders that I’ve been
given.

It could be a divorce, a move to another apartment, a new job – or
the loss of the old one. The key to making the next part of our lives the best
part of our lives is making a commitment to ourselves to make this one life we’ve
been given the most fulfilling it can be. We only get one shot at it.

I might not like what I’m going through but I have to remind myself
that the best way out is through. I have to be patient and say: this too shall pass. I
might not like what is happening. I might have to go deep within myself to find
my inner strength. I have to trust that everything will work out even if it
does not seem that way.

Just for today I can decide to surrender to what is happening in
my life. The pain is not in the reality. The pain is in the resistance.

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Doing Our Best At the Little Stuff

Posted on October 5, 2011 by dianabletter

 Sometimes I don’t put all my effort into doing the little things. I make my bed each morning but leave the comforter crooked or I hammer a nail but don’t make sure it’s totally straight. I forget that success can be measured each day by doing the next thing right. And that “thing” can be big or small. It doesn’t have to be a bar mitzvah speech (as in the photo of my husband Jonny before his) to do the best I can. I can make an effort to do every little thing as well as I can.

My friend Amanda used to say, “positive acts build self-esteem.” What she meant by that was: every task can be done in a positive way and that makes us feel good about ourselves. I’d always believed that once I’d feel good about myself, then I’d go through my day cheerfully but the opposite is true. We have to do our life well – every aspect of it – and then we feel better about ourselves.

We can use our daily chores as experiments in living well. We can do our laundry, set the table and smile at the dour guy in the stationery store. Practicing doing the simple things well enables us to handle the bigger things with more confidence. And the other reward is that we lived the best we could for today.

Is there some task or chore or errand that I can do better – and feel better about myself today?

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What Can You Do When Someone You Love is Down in the Dumps?

Posted on September 14, 2011 by dianabletter

How To Stand Tall When You Feel Eaten Away...

What do you do when the person you love is down in the dumps? It’s hard to see someone you love so depressed. My friend Mike wrote me that when his wife is miserable, she wears her shoulders for earrings. So hunched over. So blue.

I’ve been visiting my mother in a nursing home/rehab center. It is very tough to see her suffering. She’s lain in bed for the past month since she fell down and broke her hip. She’s not getting better. She has stopped eating. “Well, wouldn’t you?” she asked me. “Did you ever eat a piece of salmon that you can also use as a hockey puck?”

Outside her window, the trees are full and green. It’s so beautiful but she can’t enjoy it. She’s lost her will to live. And all I can do is hold her hand and say…nothing. There’s nothing I can say to cheer her up. It is what it is.

All I can do is make the most of this minute, this hour. The Sanskrit poet Kalidasa wrote, “Look to this day for it is life, the very life of life!”

What strategies have you tried when someone you love is down in the dumps?

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New Season, New Chapter

Posted on September 6, 2011 by dianabletter

 

When all six of our kids were living at home, I’d be so frazzled by the end of summer vacation that on the first day of school, I’d want to shout, “Get out your pompoms!”

I don’t feel that same sense of relief these days. The end of summer only brings nostalgia that there are no school supplies to buy and no pencils to sharpen. (Do kids still sharpen pencils? Do they still even use pencils?)

Yet as my friend Amanda reminded me, “the start of a school year always brings on positive changes.” New books, new beginnings, new clothes, new shoes, new clothes, new shoes, and new clothes and new shoes. Oops! My bad! Just getting wound up there…

On a serious note, autumn is the time to reflect and start all over again. Trees lose their leaves and if you’re dealing with new changes, the trees are the perfect reminder that we have to shed our old leaves – our old “stuff” to begin again.

Sometimes that means letting go of old relationships that are no longer healthy or old habits that don’t serve us anymore. We can’t start anything new until we let go of the old. We have to close one chapter before we can begin another.

Amanda wrote me that she is going to start this season “with a smile on my face and a kick in my step. I’m going to strip away all those leaves that bring me down.”

What will you choose to lose today? What little change can you make to encourage you to start something new?

Trees Shed Their Leaves and Start Again-Why Shouldn't We?

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If You Change the way you look at Things…

Posted on September 1, 2011 by dianabletter
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Life Goes On!

Posted on August 31, 2011 by dianabletter
Life Goes On!

Life goes on.

The sun still shines. People are digging out of their homes, coping with tragedies, recovering from the damage.
Isn’t it strange how the sky is so shockingly blue? Birds sing after a storm, why shouldn’t we?
Just for today I will get my strength by seeing the beauty all around me. I will remind myself that I’m here for a very short time on earth and after I’m gone, life will continue without me.
I forgot to credit this photo to my friend, Ramone. Sorry ’bout that!
 
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Me, Myself and Irene

Posted on August 29, 2011 by dianabletter
Good Thing the Tree Fell AWAY From the House We Were Staying in!

So, whaddya learn?

In Ludlow,Vermont, they learned that rivers can run wild through the main street.

InWesthampton, New York, I learned to prepare for the worst and pray for the best. And the best happened: a few downed trees, loss of power for about 15 hours, a lot of wind and rain…and nothing more.

The lesson I learned was – again – not to project into the future. I was filled with worry, with “What if…?” scenarios. (What if there’s a tornado and the kids are still sleeping on the second floor? What if the roof blows off? What if the wind shatters the windows?) My fears were far worse than what happened. I read somewhere, “Worry Is Like Interest Paid In Advance On A Debt That Never Comes Due.” That was true for me.

Yet the other lesson I learned was that it is appropriate to take action,to be prepared. I’d packed a totally waterproof bag with passports, sleeping bag, survival blanket, first aid kit, toilet paper, paper towel, change of clothes, some canned beans and a hatchet. I was ready if a disaster struck. But I could have worried less and trusted more. Because even if something bad had happened, worry wouldn’t have helped me through it. If anything, I felt far better prepared because I kept breathing deep. Every few minutes I reminded myself that I was OK.  I was a bit jittery but I was fairly calm and ready to face whatever life threw at me.

What lesson did you learn during your last crisis? What can you do better to get ready before the next one?

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Keep Breathing!

Posted on August 28, 2011 by dianabletter

Dreamin' of the Sunlight

 

We made it through the night. Now that it’s light out, it seems less frightening because we can see and not just imagine.

We can hear the ocean roaring. We never hear the ocean from our house. It sounds like tumultuous traffic on a highway.

 

Jonny talks about waiting for morning to come in a war. I thought of that because once I could look outside and see something beyond just shadows, I felt better.

Outside my window, I see the pond. The water is rising. We’re about 40 feet away from the shoreline. If the ocean surges high enough, water might push through from the canal across Montauk Highway and enter the pond and raise the level of the pond. But I won’t keep saying “what if…?” I’ll stay right where I am, breathing deep. That’s the best thing to do in a crisis, just keep breathing, breathing deep, breathing like I’m having a contraction and giving birth, trying to ride out the pain…keeping my head where my feet are. Don’t jump ahead of God!

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The Calm Before the Storm

Posted on August 26, 2011 by dianabletter

 Now I know what that expression means literally.

It is so calm right now, so beautiful and peaceful. I am looking out our window at the lovely trees and the sunlight through the leaves.

This is the ultimate lesson is trusting…

I have to remember, “Keep the faith and the faith will keep you.”

Instead of running the tape in my head of worry, I have to breathe deep and keep reminding myself that all is OK. All is OK!

These are the times when we’re tested. These are the times when we have to draw on all the reservoirs of courage and faith.

Fear = Forgetting Everything’s All Right

The Calm Before the Storm

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Where You Look is Where You Go

Posted on August 25, 2011 by dianabletter

Where you look is where you go. I learned this maxim the hard way. I was riding behind Paul, my motorcycle guru, who was teaching me the basics of motorcycle riding before Jonny and I set off forAlaska.

I was heading around a sharp bend where there was gravel and a guard rail. I was so frightened that I’d crash that I couldn’t stop looking at the spot and….rode toward it. I panicked. I braked. The engine automatically shut off. The car behind me slammed on its brakes, almost ramming right into me. Paul made a U-turn and returned to find me in tears.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I stammered. “I was trying so hard not to go onto that gravel…” “You had target fixation,” Paul announced.

“That sounds like a psychoanalytical diagnosis,” I said. “What does it mean?”

“It means you were scared you’d hit that gravel and all you were thinking about was not hitting it,” he said. “ I bet you were staring at it, too, fixating on the gravel. Where you look when you ride is where the bike goes and you rode right to it.”

What I was looked at – what I zeroed in on – was the direction in which I’d go. And I realized that the same maxim applies to life! Where you look is where you go. Focus on fear, you stay stuck in fear. Focus on a problem, you stay stuck in the problem. Focus on the negative in your life, you stay stuck in the negative.

This applies to the running dialogue I have in my own head. It also applies to all my conversations. I’m making a commitment for today to be aware of what I’m saying, both to myself and others. I’m trying to focus on the good, the positive, the upbeat instead of complaining about what could be better.

How have you applied this idea in your own life? What can you do better today?

Look Where You WANT to go

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