The Best Way Not to Ruin Somebody Else’s Best Chapter

Posted on May 31, 2012 by dianabletter

Who Ruined Whose Best Chapter? And Which Brother Is Now the Vegan?

My younger son read a book — let’s just call it A Good Book for our purposes –and then encouraged my older son to read it.

My older son began the book and was reading it at his own pace. This got my younger son mad. He wanted him to read it faster. He told him that when one of his friends read it, “He was so excited that he even texted me when T*** died.”

“You idiot!” my older son said. “You just ruined the book for me! I can’t believe you did that!”

Did you ever ruin anyone’s best chapter? I ruined V.S. Naipaul’s Guerrillas for a friend. I didn’t mean to. I just mentioned how sad it was when *** did ***.

This post is an allegory — meaning it’s designed to teach us something else. And that something is this: We don’t know how anyone else’s chapter is going to unfold. We don’t know how and when it should unfold. Not in real life and not in the book they are reading.

Did you ever do this–and with what book? Did you ever have someone do this to you?

Reminder: Last day to win Liz Jansen’s book, Women, Motorcycles and the Road to Empowerment. Check out her interview on transformation on my blog post here and enter the giveaway!

Also, if you don’t like coffee, then don’t enter the free Starbucks Coffee Giveway on my blog post here. But if you do, then here’s your chance.

 

Posted in Relationships, Uncategorized, Writers, Writing, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Tool For Tuesday: Try Something Untested and Totally New

Posted on May 29, 2012 by dianabletter

Our Roving Reporter Tried Something New – Hiking in New Zealand.

A devoted reader of this blog pointed out that yesterday’s interview with Liz Jansen and The Writer’s Almanac with snippets from May Swenson, Walker Percy and Maeve Binchy shared a theme. Transformation. Since I’m a firm believer in synchronicity (the idea that there are certain moments when the whole universe is playing the same tune in the same symphony at the exact same time) I decided to make that the Tool For Tuesday (For an amusing Tool for Tuesday, look here.) Today’s Tool for Tuesday: Try something totally, terrifically and terrifyingly new.

Another dear friend –  I’ll call her Jessica – said that she would never comment on a blog but since she hears my mantra in her head (Be more you by being less you) she said she’d take the leap and write something. (Operators standing by!)

True confession: My perfectionism has often scared me from doing new things. I didn’t take college courses that fascinated me out of fear that I wouldn’t do well at them. I avoided entering competitions because of a very unhelpful idea I’d learned in childhood that if you weren’t number one, you were worthless. I unlearned this lesson when it dawned on me that somewhere between Number #1 and the bottom of the pile was a lot of room. A lot of places to be. And ways to live my life.

What are you going to try that’s new today? It could be something really big – like learning to ride a motorcycle – or something relatively small. It could be a new behavior – saying yes when you usually say no. Or saying no when you usually say yes.

Which brings me back to Jessica, who says that she has the kind of look which invariably draws people to her – in the supermarket, when they want to get ahead of her at the checkout line.

“For some reason, people always ask me if they can cut in front of me,” Jessica said. She doesn’t know why this is. Maybe because she looks like she has a big heart. (She does.) She always says yes because she wants to be nice and then two more people slip in front of her. She has so far been unable to say no. Then again, I don’t know if I’d be able to say no to a shopper with a green apple and a can of baby formula in her hands when I have a full cart. But it would be a good experiment just to try. (I still wouldn’t dare! Would you?)

What are you going to try that’s new for today? You can comment on Liz Jansen’s post and enter the draw to win her inspiring book, Women, Motorcycles and the Road to Empowerment in e-book version.

Oh, there are so many new things you could try. Speak up when you usually keep silent. Keep silent when you usually speak up. Wear polka dots. Wear white. Skip down the road. Climb a tree. Start learning a new language. Read a poem. Take a good, fresh look at life. As May Swenson wrote to Elizabeth Bishop, “Not to need illusion—to dare to see and say how things really are, is the emancipation I would like to attain.”

Try something untested and new today. One way to start our best chapter is to write a new page. What will yours be?

Posted in Tool For Tuesday, Transformation, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Liz Jansen: Transformation is an ongoing journey that continues as long as we’re here on earth.

Posted on May 28, 2012 by dianabletter

Thank you, Liz Jansen, for joining me on today’s post. Her new book Women, Motorcycles and the Road to Empowerment: Fifty Inspirational Stories of Adventure and Self-Discovery, is a wonderful collection of interviews that Liz conducted with a wide range of women. Their interviews add a collective vision and colorful background to Liz’s own story, not only about motorcycling – but also about living. Together, the women’s voices emphasize how we are each unique and must follow our own dreams – no matter how crazy they seem to others. As artist, dancer and motorcyclist Lesley Gering proclaimed in the book, “This is who I be.” Exactly!

You can buy her book via this link here via amazon or on her website, which also has details on the rest of her book tour.

Liz Jansen, Author and Motorcyclist

I’ve been enjoying the stops at various websites and blogs. Also, you can win a free (FREE!) book!

Just post a pertinent comment on this blog post between now and Thursday, May 31, 2012 Noon EST, and Liz will draw a winner randomly. You can post a comment in response to Liz’s interview or answer: What do you do each day to help live your own best chapter?

Diana: Liz, I love your book’s message. You described your journey and how you grew up in a Mennonite community. You were searching for your own path. You mentioned “that small inner voice” which was crying to get your attention. Any suggestions on how to find the inspiration to listen to that voice within?

Liz: Our connection to the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever, whoever you want to call it, is our source of power.  It’s not something anyone else can give us, nor can they take it away.  That voice is our own spirit, wanting to be heard.

It’s important to create a nurturing atmosphere for yourself.  That includes setting aside time regularly in whichever way works best for you, to free yourself from all the other voices around you and listen to YOUR voice. It could be meditating, walking, spending time in nature or riding a motorcycle.

It also means surrounding yourself with positive role models, people who support you on your journey. Start small, learning to trust that voice.  Follow through and see what happens and how it feels. Not only will you find “coincidences” and synchronicities occurring with increasing frequency, but each success builds confidence and inspires you further.

Diana: I like the story of Hazel Carson who bought herself a Honda Gold Wing motorcycle for her 60th birthday. She said that one of her friends commented, “If Hazel can learn to ride a motorcycle, then I can learn to play trombone.” (That’s like my post, “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”) What message does motorcycling give to people about empowering themselves to do what they don’t think they can do?

Liz: Motorcycling, more than anything I know, represents all the challenges we put up in front of ourselves as perceived barriers.  Women have to assert themselves in a male-dominated sport.  Learning as adults is challenging because they’ve been told they couldn’t do it because they’re too old, not strong enough, not tall enough or smart enough. There are stereotypes to overcome, safety concerns , opinions of others, fear of failure or success.

Motorcycling teaches you that anything is doable if you really want to do it.  The barriers we put up in our minds usually have nothing to do with reality.

Diana: In your book, Catherine Swift said, “I believe you make your own weather. If you are optimistic, it’s a lot more likely that good things will happen.” Have you been able to “make your own weather”? What do you do each day to help live your own best chapter?

Liz: I agree with Catherine that we do make our own weather.  While we can’t control when a storm decides to blow in, we can control how we respond. I do have a focus, but mostly, I live each day for all it’s worth.  I try to stay in present moment and follow my intuition.  I look at the past for the lessons it’s given me.  Worrying about the future and outcomes which may never happen serves no purpose and diverts energy from what I’m supposed to be doing.

All kinds of doors open which I would never have dreamt possible.   I’m only able to recognize them by staying receptive and flexible.  And mostly by following my intuition, aka that little voice we talked about earlier.

Diana: In your book, Hollywood stunt woman, Debbie Evans Leavitt, said, “I’ve learned through motorcycling not to look at the problem but to look at the goal.” Could you tell us how you use that philosophy in your own life?

Liz: My 2003 motorcycle odyssey is a good example of that. I had never travelled solo, let alone by motorcycle. I was 49 years old, had just left my marriage and a successful career.  If I would have focused on those things, or how I was going to manage a big trip around Canada and the US, it would have been overwhelming.  Instead, I took one day at a time.  I knew I could ride a motorcycle and look after myself.  I had a loose plan and prepared myself as best I could.  It was no different than going for a ride every day.  Next thing I knew, I was at the Pacific Ocean.

Writing this book was another example. I had no idea what I was getting into other than I knew it was a calling to write it.  So I started out and here we are.  It’s been, and continues to be, an absolutely amazing experience, introducing me wonderful experiences and inspiring people.

That’s not to say there aren’t challenges along the way.  But getting beyond them is all part of the adventure and our personal growth.

Diana: As you wrote, you grew up in a Mennonite community. What do you do now to nurture your own spiritual connection and feel a personal sense of transformation?

Liz: While universal values were instilled in me through my upbringing, it was not at all where I learned about or began to understand my spiritual connection. In fact, that community built up walls which separated me from it.  I had to remove myself from that setting to discover my spirituality.

I start every day by meditating and journaling.  It’s how I get my strength, stay grounded and connected.   Transformation is an ongoing journey that continues as long as we’re here on earth.

Thank you, Liz!

Post a comment in response to Liz or what you do to make this your best chapter to win a free e-book!

Posted in Being a Hero In Your Life, Transformation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Long Weekends: What Not to Do

Posted on May 27, 2012 by dianabletter

The lonely, the sad, the dispersed, the displaced: some of the people who don’t like long weekends. Long weekends are like New Year’s Eve. They can make you weep. I came across this poem by Vikram Seth. 

in the Case of the Missing Towels here, said that on long lonely weekends, she pretends she’s in a spa or a writer’s retreat or someplace where she’s voluntarily chosen to go. Then she’ll do for herself what she’d expect to do there. Take a bubble bath. Sit in a comfortable chair and read a book you’ve been putting off reading. (I’m reading Toni Morrison’s Beloved.) Make a nice meal for herself. Get out watercolors. Organize old photographs. Go for a walk. Watch a favorite old movie. Get out a pen and blank notebook — you have to have those writing instruments still — and write, write, write. Write it to right it. Write how it feels to be 24, 36, 49, 73 — how it feels to be you — on a long weekend in May 2012 wherever you find yourself on earth. Sometimes we can’t always live the best page of the best chapter of our lives but we can write it all down for art’s sake, for life’s sake. And the reverse is true: we might not write the best story but we can live the best story.

“I try not to allow myself to go to that negative neighborhood,” Lily said. “You know, that dark place where I feel so bad about myself and about everything in my life. Instead I try to focus on what I can do to take care of myself.”

What do you do when the weekend time seems to stre-e-e-t-c-h into forever?

Our Roving Reporter Posted This Photo From New Zealand. “All You Who Sheep Tonight.” Oops.

Remember: Free Starbucks Coffee Giveaway (one pound of ground) is going on now. Go on, don’t be bashful. Leave a comment and bingo! You’re entered.

Posted in Lily and her stories, Self-care, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bad Reality, Great Story

Posted on May 25, 2012 by dianabletter

Who made the cheesecake: the eagle or the spider?

Sometimes when we’re going through something and it hurts, it feels like we’re never going to get out of it and it’s never going to not hurt. Clichéd expressions  like “this too shall pass” don’t make us feel any better when we feel like we’re drowning.

There is no instant cure to sadness. Some sadness is unbearable. Sometimes I’ve felt that I could just about topple over with the weight of my feelings. So if you are in that place right now, know that you’re not alone. I extend my hand to you in empathy and I hope you’ll feel better down the road. Even if it does feel like a long road. A very long road.

To cheer you all up, though, I wanted to share one thing that helps me when I’m in the midst of the crisis and that is the useful phrase from the title: Bad Reality, Great Story. And what brought that to mind is my cheesecake. (I shared about the cheesecake here, and also about if I was going to be a spider or an eagle about it here.)

A few years ago, my younger son baked a cheesecake to enter in a cheesecake bake-off contest. He worked very precisely on all the measurements and put it in the oven, and then he had to go to work. He left me in charge of it with instructions that were so specific, I felt like I was babysitting. When I took the cake out, it had a few cracks on the top.

I thought I would decorate it with some pretty flowers to disguise the flaws. I went outside, picked flowers and put the blossoms all over the cheesecake. I felt like Picasso doing a little cake-decorating tableau on the side. I brought it to the cheesecake contest judges who looked at me…and then the cake…and then at me in horror. The flowers were oleander and they are so poisonous that none of the judges was willing to taste the cake. My son was eliminated from the contest. He was furious at me. But years later, what would you rather read about? “My son won a cheesecake contest.” Or, “I ruined my son’s cheesecake by decorating it with poisonous flowers.” Which is the better story?

So if you are in the midst of something difficult, try to turn it into art. You might not be able to laugh about it now, but at least you can transform it. Turn all your ache into art. The best writers take their sorrow and transform it. Write it all down. Write it all out. Write it to right it. Move your pen fast and write out everything you are feeling right now. That helps. And maybe you can use it for the novel you hope to write one day. Or an essay. A powerful example of this is Cheryl Strayed’s essay on grieving her mother here. Or turn it into a poem or a haiku. The haiku format – 7 syllables 5 syllables 7 syllables – is a good way to try to capture the moment. My friend Jane prefers writing sonnets. You want to send a scribble in? Please do.

What I wish is that we use our experiences as though we were reading them in our favorite novel. What would the hero do? Can you act like that hero? All heroes must go through the flames to find their stronger selves on the other side. That’s how we live our best chapter — even when it’s the worst chapter.

Remember: Coffee Giveaway in progress – a free pound of ground if you comment on the blog. You can also do some twitter magic or give me a thumbs-up on facebook and bingo! You’re entered.

Write it to right it.

Posted in Being a Hero In Your Life, Self-care, Uncategorized, Writers, Writing, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Who Doesn’t Like FREE Coffee? You? Then Don’t Read This.

Posted on May 24, 2012 by dianabletter

My husband, Jonny – who reads this blog first thing in the morning and likes to see that I mention him – has a magnet on the refrigerator that says: COFFEE—YOU CAN SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE DEAD.

Which leads me to my FREE Starbucks pound of ground coffee giveaway beginning today, May 24, 2012, and ending June 4, 2012. You may ask: Why coffee? Why now? Why FREE coffee on a blog about living your best chapter?

Because, first of all, I would love to receive a free pound of coffee myself and my philosophy is always give unto others what you would like them to give unto you. (While we’re on the subject, the word unto started to look strange as I stared at it for too long. It’s an archaic word that just means “to” or “until” but sounds more imperative.)

Living our best chapter means spicing up our lives in all areas: food and speech come to mind. That’s why I chose the word unto instead of the more prosaic to. Speaking about food, do not ask about the cheesecake I’m supposed to be making for my youngest daughter which I wrote about in yesterday’s post, Are you an Eagle – Or A Spider. Tomorrow’s post will be about whether I yanked myself from my eagle tendencies. Oh, and Amy Capelli, who writes and illustrates her own blog here (Amy won Second Prize in Family Circle Magazine‘s Fiction Contest and you can read her story here) described herself as half-spider, half-eagle — or a speagle.

Sorry for the tangent. Getting back to coffee. It perks you up. People who are perky don’t get so depressed, which is one thing we’re trying to accomplish, right? While it is true that depression can be physiological (thank you, Robin), we can still do little things to make ourselves feel better. I came across this quote from William Cope Moyers in his fascinating book, Broken, about fighting against depression:

“When your brain conspires against you, maybe the only way to fight back is to dig deep inside yourself and find the spiritual courage to stay on course.”

And a recent The New York Times article referenced several studies that show that coffee has antioxidants which might help decrease cardiovascular disease and other ailments.

Some of my best friends — including 2/6 of our children — do not drink coffee. But I bet that even if you’re not a coffee drinker, you can still find someone who is and hence (another great word: one of my sons who’s studying for the SAT’s inspired me for that one) you can enter the FREE coffee contest and get someone you love a gift! Here’s all you have to do:

Like the Diana Bletter Facebook page here

Follow me (@dianabletter) on Twitter here

Tweet a link to my blog and use the hashtag #thebestchapter

Or type a comment below. Even one syllable. The word “Oy” is not included, unless you’re from Finland because someone told me that “oy” means “Incorporated” in Finnish. (Is this true? Any Finnish aficionados out there?) Comment and tell me what you’re doing to make today the first day of the best chapter of your life. You can share anything from deciding to make your bed — see my post here on Tool for Tuesday’s bed-making debate — to drinking a cup of coffee to taking a walk to doing a 5-minute timed writing exercise in appreciation of all you’ve got.

On June 4, 2012, I will use random.org‘s system to determine the #1 entrant (it’s random) and then I will announce the winner and send that person a FREE pound of Starbucks coffee. Yep, I will ship outside the USA.

Oh, the other reason why this post is dedicated to my husband, JONNY, is because 18 years ago I made a bet with him. I don’t remember what the bet was about. But the wager was that whoever lost would make the other person his/her first cup of coffee each day unto (!) death do us part. Moral: Never make a bet with Jonny. Even when you’re absolutely sure you’re right. You’re not. So this post is dedicated to him. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather make coffee for each morning, even at five a.m.

“When your brain conspires against you, maybe the only way to fight back is to dig deep inside yourself and find the spiritual courage to stay on course.” William Cope Moyers

Posted in countering depression, Giveaway, How to Change Your Life, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Are You An Eagle — Or A Spider?

Posted on May 23, 2012 by dianabletter

Moving from yesterday’s domestic spiel, “To Make or Not to Make…Your Bed” today’s post moves into the wild animal kingdom for some answers on how to live your best chapter. What are you – a spider or an eagle? Here’s the 101 difference (for all you non-ornithologists and non-arachnologists out there).

A spider builds its web carefully, plans and then waits for its prey. An eagle circles and then zooms in for its catch. So what are you? Take this short quiz to find out.

  1. Do you enter a party and stay on the side, waiting for someone to approach? Or do you move immediately toward the first person and start making small talk?
  2. Do you stand at the ocean’s edge to adjust to the water – or do you run right in?
  3. Do you read a recipe a few times to make sure you understand it before beginning? Or do you start cooking and make mistakes as you go?
  4. Do you go to a store and then look for sales? Or do you hear about sales and then go to a store?
  5. Were you one of the first of your friends to get a new _____(fill in the blank) Iphone, Blackberry, Ipod…? Or one of the last?

Which of the following adjectives describe you:

Impulsive, hesitant, conservative, risk-taker, spontaneous, short-term planner, long-term planner, reluctant, routine-oriented, informal, rule-breaker, rule-maker…You get the picture, by now, right?

These questions helped me to see that I’m definitely not a spider – though Charlotte’s Web remains one of my all-time favorite books.

And now that I know what I am, I’m going to take my own suggestion. To be more me, I’m going to be less me. To live my best chapter, I’m discovering new ways of being my best self. Today, I’m planning on making cheesecake for my youngest daughter’s birthday (get out your pompoms!) and this time, instead of acting like an eagle, I’m going to act like a spider. I’ll make sure I have all the ingredients – which means thoroughly checking the refrigerator and cupboard (don’t you love that old-timey word, cupboard?) and not rushing out in the middle when I — oops! — discover that I didn’t have the vanilla when I thought I did. And I’ll read the recipe thoroughly without assuming I know it already.

I’ve written a bit about countering depression, and one thing I’ve learned is that trying new ways to approach our lives can help us get out of ourselves.

I’m an eagle who’s going to act more like a spider today. And if you’re more of a spider, then why not act like an eagle?

Dive into something new instead of waiting for the new to come to you.

Posted in Be Less You To Be More You, How to Change Your Life, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , | 13 Comments

Tool For Tuesday: To Make Or Not To Make…Your Bed

Posted on May 22, 2012 by dianabletter

I was reading Gretchen Rubin’s blog post “Guess:What’s the Most Popular Resolution for Happiness?” here, and she wrote, “…if you’re feeling overwhelmed, picking one little task to improve your situation, and doing it regularly, can help you regain a sense of control. Making your bed is a good place to start.”

To Make or Not Make Your Bed? That is the question. Then the next question is: What does making your bed mean to you? And then: What can you do each day to take care of yourself — and to live your best chapter?

When I was growing up, I never had to make my bed. I didn’t know how to make my bed – or any bed, for that matter. That seemed to be a symptom of a bigger problem: I didn’t have a clue how to take care of myself. I expected other people to do things for me – to take care of me. Also, it never dawned on me that to have order in my inner life, it would help me to have a sense of order on the outside, too.

Caveat: I love a messy desk. It is a sign for me that I’m slam-bam in the middle of a project. To me, an anarchic unfettered desk is a sign of full-blown focus.

But I don’t love a messy bed. Making my own bed each morning means that I’m taking care of myself in a basic, loving way.

I started to enjoy making my own bed when I had kids and started making their beds. I made their beds with loving care and I wanted to do the same for me.

But I also began asking them to make their own beds at a very early age. I didn’t care if they made it sloppily or simply pulled the blanket up to the pillow. I wanted them to get a sense that they could take care of themselves.

A friend of mine named Kathy shared that having a nice bed is important to her because when she was growing up, her house was chaotic. These days, she also has two dogs who like to jump on her bed. Her husband doesn’t want the dogs to jump on his pillow so she bought him a pretty pillow sham. He still preferred to keep the pillow safely underneath the comforter.

At first, Kathy made the bed with both pillows underneath – his way. And then it dawned on her that just as her husband can choose what he likes, she can choose what she likes. So now, she makes her bed with his pillow underneath the comforter and her pillow on top. Every time she sees the bed, she’s reminded that, in her words, “a compromise doesn’t mean just one winner.”

What about you? What does making your bed signify to you? And in the “To Make Or Not To Make Your Bed” Debate – which side are you on?

And come to think of it, where do you stand on The Messy Desk? That could be a post for another time.

Other updates: Karen Houldgreaves of Preston, England will receive a copy of my book, THE INVISIBLE THREAD: A PORTRAIT OF JEWISH AMERICAN WOMEN via goodreads.com. You can order books via amazon (link above). I am in the process of turning the book into an e-version so I’ll be updating you on that.

I’m days away from seeing the cover to my upcoming book, THE MOM WHO TOOK OFF ON HER MOTORCYCLE, and I’ll be sharing that with all of you soon.

Finally, please go to http://www.facebook.com/DianaBletter and hit that upwardly-mobile thumb to like my work!

To have order in our inner life, it helps to have a sense of order on the outside, too.

Posted in Self-care, Tool For Tuesday, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tip: How Not to Walk On Egg Shells

Posted on May 18, 2012 by dianabletter

 

My friend Joelle called me the other day. She said she was walking on eggshells every time she spoke to her sister because she is scared she’ll say the wrong thing. (You can read about that here.) Then it hit her: she was filled with fear that her sister would either get angry or say something unkind back.

Then it dawned on Joelle that she was completely, utterly and absolutely powerless over her sister’s reactions. Joelle was living in fear that she wasn’t saying the right thing, and trying to second-guess her sister. When she realized that she had no idea what she might say that could tick off her sister, she suddenly felt free.

“It was as if a weight lifted off my shoulders,” Joelle confessed. “It isn’t that I don’t care about her — I just can’t keep being afraid of her reactions.”

That was freedom. Her sister’s upset had nothing to do with what she said or did. So Joelle could go ahead and say whatever it was she wanted.

Did you start reading this post hoping I’d give you a tip about how not to walk on eggshells? So this is it. Don’t walk on those eggshells. Stomp, dance, prance and jump on them. How someone else reacts to you is totally out of your control.

Are you walking on eggshells around somebody? What would happen if you do something different?

Oh, and why is that photo of a poppy flower there? Because when I post these blogs, I have this little wizard that comes up with photos of what she thinks I’m writing about. I could have put up a photo of an egg but a flower is definitely more inspiring.

How someone else reacts to you is totally out of your control.

Posted in Joelle's Adventures, Relationships, Self-care, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Do You Brand the People You Love?

Posted on May 17, 2012 by dianabletter

The last time we spoke to Lily, she was struggling with the love/anger acid test, which I wrote about here. She was stumped by how to love someone while still being angry at them, and how to be angry at someone she loved. We had been talking about looking at ourselves. About being willing to grow emotionally. About looking for the spiritual lessons in all our experiences.

“I remember the first time you told me to look for a spiritual lesson,” Lily told me. “It was right after I failed at a business venture. You said to look for the lesson and I got angry. I thought you were just trying to put a Madison Avenue spin on failure. I thought you just wanted it to be easier to take.”

“And then what happened?” I asked.

“It dawned on me that I could either take the experience at face value or go deeper and really look for something to get out of that failure,” she went on. “When you’re in it, and you’re angry and upset, you don’t want to hear about the lesson. I guess you just want things to go your own way. But then I realized you were right. I have to go deeper and think, what is the spiritual lesson?”

Lily was searching for the spiritual lesson now, with her daughter. It dawned on her that she had to look at her part in

the argument. And she realized another lesson – via Madison Avenue. She’d branded her daughter. She’d given her the label, “teenager,” and couldn’t see past the brand. She couldn’t “hear” what her daughter was trying to tell her because she was too busy seeing her as the rebellious, temperamental, moody teen.

Do you brand the people you love? Can you see beyond the outward label?

We can look for the spiritual lessons in all our experiences.

Posted in Lily and her stories, Other people and us, Relationships | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments