Native American Know-How, Part 2: Declare Your Emotional Autonomy

Posted on August 26, 2012 by dianabletter

My Native American friend, Will, who talked about praying for ourselves before we pray for others here, gave me one other crucial tip about living our best chapter.

Declare yourself an emotionally autonomous state. Declare your independence as if you were a new country.

As a new autonomous region, you can extend your arms and that 360 degrees around you is your territory. Nobody can step into your territory unless you invite them in. That means physically and mentally, too.

“I learned I didn’t have to put other people’s well-being ahead of my own,” Will said. “If they were struggling, that didn’t mean I had to struggle, too. If they were hurting, I could pray for them but I could still hold a sacred space of dignity within myself and achieve emotional fortitude.”

We can look at ourselves as an independent country so that what happens outside our borders doesn’t have to affect us so deeply. We don’t  have to take on the crises of  others. We can still live a life of freedom and joy even though others remain stuck.

Today can be declared Independence Day. Celebrate your new state!

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Native-American Know-How: How To Take Care of Yourself First

Posted on August 23, 2012 by dianabletter

I have a friend, Will, who’s a Native American. Want to know what the elders told him at a ceremony?

“Pray for yourself first. After that, pray for others.”

Pray for yourself first.

Your first burst of karmic energy is for yourself.

Make sure you heal the sacred space your soul calls home first before you pray for others.

Will said that he was always entangled in the crises of the people around him. Then he said he was slowly guided back to himself. He had to find a way to hold what he calls a “sacred space sanctuary” within himself.

Sometimes we have to walk away for a few minutes from people who want us to jump in their boat of misery with them. Sometimes people will call us selfish. They might say we don’t care about them because we’re not miserable when they’re miserable. People who want us to abandon our own priorities to focus on their priorities.

Do not be fooled. Put on your moccasins if you have to and walk away when you feel someone else is draining you. If you want other Native American sayings, go here.

Take care of yourself first.

 

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Tool For Tuesday: Be Kind To Your Morning Self

Posted on August 21, 2012 by dianabletter

Sometimes at night I’ll see the pots and pans in the dish rack and I’ll think, “I should put the dishes away now.”

Then I say, “Nah, I’ll do it in the morning.”

I leave the crap for my morning self to do. It’s as if I treat my morning self like the help.

But I want to be kind to my morning self.

I take it from my husband, Jonny, who sets up our coffee cups the night before so they’re ready in the morning. He’s showing consideration to our own selves.

We can spend five extra minutes at night being kind to the one who gets up in the morning. It’s like a little bit of extra soul loving. It’s showing ourselves that we care.

Each night we can do one thing to care for the person we are who wakes up in the morning.

When I found the above photo, I googled morning coffee and came up with this link that has tons of information for freelance writers. So, now that I’ve had my second morning coffee, it’s time to get cracking.

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4 Surfer’s Tips To Live Your Best Chapter

Posted on August 19, 2012 by dianabletter

My friend, Sam, the one who spoke about people living rent-free in your head here, went surfing the other day, and said that he was waiting and waiting for the perfect wave. Which never came.

And then he took the next wave, which was far from perfect, and had the perfect ride.

So Sam said there are 4 tips to learn from surfers:

  1. There’s no such thing as perfect. No perfect wave, beach, time, spouse, child, book, shirt, solution. The imperfect is as perfect as it gets.
  2. Act now or you’ll miss the wave. Thinking too much is like rocking in a chair and expecting to go somewhere. When the opportunity comes, grab it and hold on. Don’t hesitate. Don’t over-think or you’ve over-thunk yourself out of the moment.
  3.  You don’t know until you catch it. You don’t know if the wave is even good until you’re riding it. I don’t know if this sentence makes sense until I write it. You have to do the work and then you’ll learn. You have to start down the road to know if that’s the road you want to travel.
  4. Don’t be afraid of the tumble. It’s so scary to get tossed around and thrown in the washing machine of a wave but that’s the risk of jumping in the water. That’s the risk of living. Take a risk–or throw your life away.

    Sam surfing

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Tool For Tuesday: Helen Gurley Brown on Reinvention

Posted on August 14, 2012 by dianabletter

Helen Gurley Brown, who died on Monday, wrote in her autobiography, “Having It All” (1982), “I never liked the looks of the life that was programmed for me — ordinary, hillbilly and poor — and I repudiated it from the time I was 7 years old.” She took what she was given and transformed herself.

Tool For Tuesday: Don’t settle for what you think your life should be like. Follow that compass inside you and go as far as you can go. (And don’t care what other people say about you.)

Hit Like if you think Helen Gurley Brown‘s message was an advancement. Tell us why you think it was a throw-back for women.

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True Story About A Dog: If He’s Happy, Then I’m Happy

Posted on August 12, 2012 by dianabletter

Happy and Hunter

So, we had to give away our dog, Happy.

He’s a Hungarian Vizsla, a gorgeous dog, loyal and smart and easy-going, affectionate and true. And I wasn’t even a dog-lover before I met this dog seven years ago. But I did love him, in the way that big, wild, sloppy way that people can love their dogs.

My husband, Jonny, is moving back to Israel to be reunited with the rest of our clan and he was scared that Happy would not be able to make the 15+ hour journey in airplane steerage without drugs, plus the climate change, the house change and everything else. Happy had already been through one trauma when he thought everyone had left him alone and he ran away. Alone and wandering on Montauk Highway, Happy got picked up by a kind woman and spent the night at her house until a search party was organized. Jonny—with the help of Susan O’Rourke—may she rest in peace—picked him up the next day as soon as he was found.

Found, too, was a loving family for Happy. I didn’t think it was possible that our family would ever be replaced but the lesson, once again, is that we are all replaceable. And as you can see from the photo, Happy looks very happy with his new little playmate, Hunter, and since Happy is a hunting dog, all’s well that ends well for Happy and Hunter.

If he’s Happy—and he is in more ways than one—then I’m happy, too.

What’s the best way to be happy? Accepting what can’t be changed. Accepting that what’s best for someone else might not be what I want, but it’s something I have to accept.

Are you happy when someone else is happy—even if things don’t go exactly as you’d want them to go?

Hit LIKE if you like this photo.

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Want Joy? Remember He’s the Sandpaper. You’re the Wood.

Posted on August 9, 2012 by dianabletter

Everyone is in our lives for a reason. Someone annoying you today? Thank him. Thank him because your soul needs him to learn a spiritual lesson. You need the annoying driver in front of you to teach you patience. You need the surly sister to show you acceptance. You need the challenges from your spouse or partner or son or daughter or mother or father or your neighbor to teach you what you’re here on earth to learn.

Look at it this way: He’s the sandpaper and you’re the wood. He has to be rough and grating on you because that is the only way you will become smooth and beautiful.

Don’t complain. Thank them, thank them, thank them. Whoever is in your life who is causing you difficulties is cause for celebration. You will grow from them. You will learn from them.

Want joy? Want transformation? Look at things in their opposite way. Remember that if someone is causing me trouble today, I have something important to learn. He’s the sandpaper. I’m the wood.

Hit Like if you agree. For more interesting tips on finding joy, check outDenise Scarbro: 4 Tips to Help you manifest positive outcomes in your life.

Oh and see the photo? It’s the sandpaper vine. Did you know sandpaper was so graceful, so pretty, so purple?

Pass this onto you friends!

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Tool for Tuesday: Life Isn’t Fair. Period.

Posted on August 7, 2012 by dianabletter

The Canadian women’s soccer team was leading 3-2 against the Americans in the semi-finals at the Olympics. Canadian goalkeeper Erin McLeod caught a ball and fell on the grass. She took 4 seconds to get up, then took another 10 or 11 seconds to kick the ball to her teammates but the referee said she took too long. The tide of the game turned and the Canadians lost the game.

“We feel like we got robbed in this game,” McLeod said.

Life really isn’t fair. The best people don’t always win. The vacation week you waited for all year is a rainy washout. All the hard work you put into your job was erased in the economy. You are not going to retire with a bundle of money you put aside. You’re not going to retire. Your loved one dies too young. You step on dog crap. A guy runs a red light and plows into your car. Someone wins the lottery twice. Someone never wins at all.

Life isn’t fair. It just isn’t. And if we keep fighting that fact–wanting to smash fate in the face—then we’ll spend all our time feeling cheated and angry and bitter. If we want to transform our lives then we have to accept this fact.

Tool for Tuesday: Life really isn’t fair. Period. It isn’t always a question of luck or karma or the alignment of planets. It’s the willy-nilly, inchoate, random, ridiculous, disorderly order of things.

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Five Tips to Learn From Michael Phelps: Go for the Gold

Posted on August 5, 2012 by dianabletter

Five Tips to learn from Michael Phelps.

1. He went after his dream. Go for the gold. The silver or the bronze are good, too. Remember there’s a whole world out there between winning the gold and declaring that you’ll never win the gold so why even try.

2. He worked hard. He did those laps. He counted there and back, there and back. And there and back. We have to put in those countless hours.

3. He was his own cheerleader. Even when no one was looking or applauding or clapping for him. He was pushing himself on.

4. He had a coach. A mentor. Someone in his corner. And he got support from others.

5. He had a daily program. Each day he did something to get closer to his goal. All his medals are a result of a string of days.

Do the laps. Be your own cheerleader. Find someone to be your mentor. Make a commitment to yourself each day. Go for the gold. (Or silver or bronze or even last place.) This is it. Your life is your own Olympics.

Yes, these are perfect things to do to live our best chapter. It also gives me a good excuse to put a photo of half-naked buff men on my blog.

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Watch The Say-Do Gap

Posted on August 2, 2012 by dianabletter

On trains and subways they say, “Watch the gap getting on and off the train.”

Watch the gap in relationships—the say-do gap.

Is someone close to you saying he’ll do something and never doing it?

Are you saying you are committed to doing more—more exercise, more studying, more healthy living—but not doing anything to meet your commitment?

Watch the Say-Do Gap. Say what you’re going to do—and do it. Listen to someone else say what she plans to do and then see if she does it. If it’s all talk and no action, then it’s time to reevaluate. Changing our lives means just that–taking one small step to change our lives.

Watch the Say-Do Gap.

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