Specific Versus Generic: Marketing Your Best Chapters

My Cover, My Shelf (As in Book Shelf)

I’m all set to launch THE MOM WHO TOOK OFF ON HER MOTORCYCLE! I even made a cute little movie which I haven’t yet uploaded to youtube.com about the Mom Who Took Off’s important tips for raising kids. (Like, make sure you have a job chart so that your kids help around the house. You be the Mom, not the slave!)

I showed this cute little movie to a friend of mine, I’ll call him Harrison, who said nothing about my important tips (he has no kids, therefore no comments) but he did say, “Why are you self-selecting with your title? You’re losing a third of your readers who don’t relate to the word “Mom;” a third of your readers who don’t relate to “motorcycle;” and a third of your readers who don’t relate to a “Mom who took off and left her kids.”

“Call your book Ten Thousand Miles,” he said. “On The Road To The Great White North.”

Being an insecure mamby-pamby gotta-get-your-approval don’t-got-no-balls kinda person, I immediately said, Eureka! He’s right. And marketing-wise, I thought the book would have stronger appeal to a wider audience. Generic not specific. Appeal to the broad market not just the broad market. (Calling women broads  suggested immorality or coarse, low-class women, which was why with the rise of women’s athletics, the track and field broad jump was changed to the long jump in 1967.) That was an aside, or getting off the subject, my mind wandering. But don’t you love etymology?

OK. My book is about how I took off on my motorcycle with my husband, Jonny, on his motorcycle because I was facing an empty nest after my 4+2+1 kids (biological+step+semi-adopted) were leaving the house and Jonny was checking off items on his bucket list. And how I came back ready to make the next chapter (tie-in here to this blog!) the best chapter of my life.

Maybe Harrison was right, I thought. When my literary agent at Trident Media Group had sent the book around, one editor wrote in her rejection slip in a tone that I could hear her gasping, “Why would the writer do something so dangerous?” The book’s title implied that I was a bad Mom taking off…So perhaps my title was all wrong.

I had the book already planned, however. The cover is by wonderful Andrew Brown. (You can contact him here.) I thought it would be a bit more of an expense to change the cover to my new title and asked Andrew. He wrote back, “I would advise that you consider retaining your original title. Targeting is important and there is always a risk people lose their audience by trying to appeal too broadly. Clearly however the final decision needs to be one you are comfortable with.” If you want to learn more about what I told Andrew and how he works on cover designs can be found here on Steven Lewis’ blog.

Then I spoke to my friend Lily about this. She is a big shot in marketing at a fancy Swiss cosmetics company but I’m not allowed to write its name. “People work on marketing and thinking up one word for years,” Lily said. “Some books or products have very odd names and do great (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance); some have very generic names and do great (Cheryl Strayed’s Wild). The answer is that there is no right or wrong—it’s what you feel good with.”

“So, what do I do?” I asked.

“Well, The Mom Who Took Off On Her Motorcycle really reflects who you are,” she said. “It has your sense of humor and seems more you than Ten Thousand Miles. Maybe you need a good tag-line, like ‘Getting Away is Almost as Good as Getting Back Home’.”

My tag line now is “How One Woman Reinvented Herself on the Road to Alaska” because I thought it would appeal to all those folks who are fascinated with Alaska. And reinvention. Transformation! Becoming someone new! Starting life over again! But now I’m not sure about that. I’m keeping THE MOM WHO…because it makes me smile each time I see it. And because when I tell people, they also smile.

Any suggestions for a good tag-line? I’m thinking that all mothers need a break. That’s actually the new idea behind marketing wines directly to women which was written about in The New York Times the way beers were aimed at guys. Instead of drinking wine, however, you can read my book and dream of getting away for a while. A Time-Out for Moms.

And I want to avoid some of the mistakes that some indie writers make which Shannon of Duolit (they have wonderful suggestions for indie-publishing here, everything from making your own book trailers to the traits of successful self-published writers) spoke about on Catherine Ryan Howard’s blog:

http://catherineryanhoward.com/2012/09/13/the-3-most-common-indie-oopsies-by-shannon-of-duolit/

So…I’m putting it out there. Any ideas on specific versus generic? What is your favorite book title? What works for you and why?

And what does this have to do with living your best chapter? Because one of my rules is: Isolation = desperation. We don’t need to do it all alone. We can be gigantically courageous and ask for help. Just put it out to the universe.

Here’s a woman doing the long jump, not the broad jump. We gotta jump right in!

Posted in How to Change Your Life, Writers, Writing, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Wanna Be Inspired?

We all live with joys and sorrows and challenges and disappointments and fears and dashed hopes and difficulties. That’s part of membership in the human race. What makes each of us unique is the path we choose to walk.

Do you accept your life’s challenges as homework to learn what you’re supposed to learn?

Do you try to take one small, positive step each day?

Do you live in hope and try to steer your mind away from hopelessness?

What can you plan to do right now to take care of yourself?

There’s a great story in this blog about a single Mom who put herself through medical school. I’m sharing the photo because stories like that inspire me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I sometimes feel like I’m just walking in place. However. The train that I’m on will eventually arrive at the station. Maybe not on my timetable but it’s right on schedule to reach its destination.

Just try to be the hero of your own life story.

 

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Change From The Inside Out.

I remember how hopeful I was at the start of the so-called Arab Spring.

Ah, naïve me. I thought there would be a push forward but instead it’s a step back.

But moving from the political into the personal, here’s the message: we can never impose change from the outside. We can’t change Egypt, Libya, Syria, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, to name a few. We can’t make people be open-minded and accepting. We can’t convince them to do things differently even if we are sure that our way will bring them happiness.

What happens inside another country mirrors what happens inside someone else.  People we care about. We can want them to change because we see they are suffering but we are totally powerless over what they decide to do.

Change can never happen from the outside in. We have to change from the inside out.

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Tool For Tuesday: Throw Out Your To Do List

My friend Joelle (the one who has a bad case of Tongue-Fu) is going through a tough time with her divorce. Every day, she feels overwhelmed by all the things she has to do and underwhelmed when it comes to doing them.

“I have a To Do List that’s a mile long,” she said. “I have to get my life in order. I have to get my finances in order. I need to get a car, pay my bills, get a job, get orga—”

“Stop!” I interrupted. “First of all, you’re not going to change the world over the weekend. If you want to get your life organized, get your day organized.”

“I have so much on my To Do List.”

“Throw it away.”

“I can’t do that! Then I’ll never get anything done!”

“Make a schedule instead,” I said. Then I told her the reasons why:

If you have a schedule, you have real order to the day. You know what you’re doing and when. If you’re not thinking straight (which often happens when you’re overwhelmed and distracted by problems) break it down to 15 minute-compartments. You can do things for 15 minutes. You can.

If you have “fold laundry” on your list, the chore stares you in the face until you cut it down to manageable size by figuring out how long, really, folding laundry should take. I compare it to songs. A big basket of laundry takes me about three good Bob Dylan songs—half of “Blood on the Tracks.” Paying bills might take six or seven great Bruce Springsteen songs. Sweeping my kitchen takes Amy Winehouse’s “Valerie.”

If you have a schedule, then you avoid the WDIDN Moment, or “What Do I Do Next?” Moment. When that strikes, I know that I can spiral into self-pity and feeling overwhelmed in equal measure. Schedules are great when I’m feeling blue because if I stick with it, then I feel a wee bit better about me own self. Remember, positive acts build self-esteem.

When Joelle and I made her schedule for that day, she originally wrote, “3-5 see granddaughter.” Then she realized that if she did that, then she wouldn’t get to swim in the pool before it closed.

“I want to be a good grandma but I also want to swim…” she thought out-loud. In looking at her schedule, she rearranged it. She went swimming first and then went to read a story to her granddaughter later in the evening.

Remember, don’t worry about being a good grandma, mother, spouse, sister, daughter, son, father, brother. Worry about being a good you. The rest will follow.

You’ll get the big part of your life organized if you stay focused on the small part. What you can do today.

And the best part is you can always change your schedule around. You’re the boss! This is time management at its finest!

Throw out your To Do List. Make a schedule for today.

Like Amy Winehouse? I did. This blog is a tribute to her. How sad. How much talent gone. Like my friend Ralph says, “Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.”

Posted in countering depression, Joelle's Adventures, Self-care, Tool For Tuesday, Transformation | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

How To Change Your Life (Just For Today)

Last year, right about this time, I reworked a short story for something like the mazillionth time and then decided on a lark to send it to the Family Circle Fiction Contest. I completely forgot about it until a few months later when I received an email from Family Circle’s Executive Editor, Darcy Jacobs, saying that I won. Me! I won First Prize.

This blog isn’t about that, however. It’s about this: how to live our best chapter. So, the message is: to live our best chapter, we have to take risks. We can’t keep going into the hardware store looking to buy apples. If we want a change, we have to make a change. It’s as simple as that.

The Family Circle Fiction Contest deadline ended for this year but if you want to work on your story to enter next year, I am getting out my pompoms to encourage you. Go for it! Through the contest, I also met Amy Cappelli, who won Second Prize, and has a terrific blog, http://threeoclockcrazy.blogspot.co.il/2012/09/first-day-of-school.html, which she also illustrates herself. You can read our winning stories here.

You can do one small thing today to change your life. It’s the best way to counter depression, just doing one small thing. Think you can’t? Share what you feel with the rest of us! And if you know any writers, pass this message of encouragement on to them!

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The Funny Thing About Surviving in the Alaskan Wilderness

I watched a movie about Heimo and Edna Korth, a couple living near the Arctic Circle in the Alaska wilderness. The link is at the end of the blog so you can hit it afterwards. The focus was on Heimo’s survival skills and the way he hunts for moose and how he killed a bear. I would have liked to see more about Edna’s life inside their tiny cabin with a door that you have to duck down to get inside. The basic things she has to do each day from heating water to washing dishes and clothes. There is always the domestic behind-the-scenes work that isn’t as glamorous. Yet it’s still survival.

But what was really funny about the movie was the scene when Edna comes outside where Heimo is sitting around grilling meat with the guys on the film crew. She complained because there was mud tracked into the cabin.

“It’s always my fault,” Heimo groaned half-sarcastically into the camera.

How funny is that? The two of them are living in the wild, thousands of miles away from anyone else, and they still are arguing like any couple anywhere, still working out their stuff. They still have to figure out how to get along with each other.

No matter where we find ourselves, near the Arctic Circle or near Columbus Circle, no matter what, we still have to do the inside work. We have to work on ourselves. There will always, always, be a spiritual lesson for us. There will always be that one person, that one situation, that one thing, that will challenge us to change, to accept, to detach.

It’s not only about lessons in survival.

No matter where we are, there we are.

Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iq0rZn8HFmQ

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Tool For Tuesday: How To Predict The Future

How can you predict the future? How can you predict what someone else will do?

By looking at what they’ve already done. Look at your boss. She (threw you off there, didn’t I?) criticized you yesterday and the day before that. You can predict that she will criticize you today.

The neighbor who said good morning to you yesterday will say good morning to you today. The neighbor who never says hello–the grumpy one walking his German Shepherd–won’t say hello again this morning.

It’s like “The Truman Show” but it’s your life. Seeing what happened yesterday is the best way to predict tomorrow.

The spouse who says you’re just an OK cook will not say you’re a terrific cook even if you whip up a veal cacciatore worthy of Julia Child. The ex-spouse who gave you a hard time about money will always give you a hard time about money. The parent who hasn’t yet given you what you think you need will continue to not give you what you think you need.

I don’t want to try to fool myself into thinking things will be different and then be surprised, disappointed and shocked when they’re not. You know what I want? The clarity to see reality.  If I see the past and present clearly then I can predict the future. I can be prepared.

The only thing that you cannot predict is your own behavior—if you decide to change, that is. You are the only person you can change. If you change one little thing, then all bets are off and the future is as huge as the sky.

Tool for Tuesday: You can predict the future by looking at the past.

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Are You Being Helpful–Or Are You Trying To Force Solutions?

My friend, Lily, who has been featured in several blogs here and here really wants her boyfriend to sell his house so they can move in together. She is a stylist in Manhattan, an artist and a connoisseur of sales (do you say connoisseuse? Like masseur or masseuse? Like chauffeur or chauffeuse?)

Anyway, she might not be a connoisseuse of boyfriends…stayed tuned to find out! Because her boyfriend says he wants to sell his house but he doesn’t want to invest any money to fix it up. She suggested he buy new, nice carpets and he agreed. But when it came time to ordering them, he chose the cheapest–not nicest carpets. She suggested hiring someone to stage the house, but when it came time to find someone to do that, he bucked and said, “I can’t believe people can’t see the house for its potential and have to be shown a nice house right now!”

There you have it. Each time she was trying to be helpful he ultimately didn’t want her help. And it dawned on me two things: she was not minding the Say-Do Gap (I wrote about that here) and kept hoping that if she only said it differently, he would change and take her up on her suggestions.

We can’t get people to change.

We don’t have a tumbler key that will turn their lock. They have to want to change. They can’t just say they want to change.  You have to see them change. We are totally powerless over other people, places, and things…

And then the bigger question. I asked Lily, “Are you being supportive and encouraging—or are you trying to force solutions?”

She wanted to help sell that house so that they could move in together. She was trying to force a solution…hurry it up…make it go the way she wants…

“I have to admit I have been trying to push things in a certain direction,” she said.

Sometimes we just have to let a bird go and watch it take off in the direction of its choosing.

Today’s question: Are you being supportive and encouraging—or are you trying to force solutions?

Which brings me to the article in The New York Times Magazine about who’s wearing the pants in the family here…is the economy as we know it changing the way men and women relate as we know it?

Click like if you agree with this – and if not, tell me why not!

Posted in Lily and her stories, Other people and us | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Little Steps Reap Big Rewards

My friend, Joelle, wants to start a fun rock-and-roll dance class for her friends. She wants to play great music and just dance with other women. She doesn’t want to go to a fancy health club where ­muscular 20-somethings are all staring and comparing in front of the mirror. She wants to move around and have fun.

“Should I wait until I get more people?” she asked me.

“No!” I said adamantly.

“I have one or two friends who might want to start with me,” she said.

“So start small!” I said. “Start with one friend or two and then you’ll get more and more women.”

“But won’t it be strange to have such a small class?” she asked. “Maybe I should wait until I get more women.”

“You can wait and wait and never get enough women,” I said.

Don’t wait for the perfect condition, the perfect wave. It might not happen.

Make the connection, as Seth Godin writes in his blog. The rest will follow.

Take a little step and you’ll reap big rewards.

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Tool for Tuesday: Q & A’s On Detachment

A noble dog’s version of detachment

Question: How do you detach from someone you love?

We can love someone but not suffer when they suffer. We can love them and not be miserable when they’re miserable or angry when they’re angry.

If we are emotionally autonomous—as I wrote about in the Native American tribal wisdom here—then we don’t have to take on everyone’s feelings as our own.

Here are some Q & A’s to see how you are with detachment:

Do you suffer because of the actions of others?

Are you always sensitive to the reactions of others?

Do you do for others what they can do for themselves?

Do you try to manipulate situations to make sure that your loved ones get up on time, pay their bills on time and don’t eat too much or too little? (I caught myself the other day coughing loudly because I thought one of my sons overslept his alarm. I decided that if HE overslept it was HIS problem and if I kept waking him up, he’d never figure it out. I had to sit with the discomfort of my own “what if” questions. Such as, “what if he gets fired?”)

Do you cover up for someone else’s mistakes? Do you apologize for them?

The Dalai Lama said, What is meant by “detachment” is ridding ourselves of clinging and craving for something or someone. I would add, ridding ourselves of the need to change other people, places and things to go our way.

So, how do you detach?

Before you speak, ask yourself, “Does it have to be said? Does it have to be said by me? Does it have to be said by me now?”

Before you mind someone else’s business, ask yourself, “Does it have to be done? Does it have to be done by me? Does it have to be done by me now?”

To live our best chapter, we have to live only our best chapter.

Posted in Self-care, Tool For Tuesday | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments