Tool For Tuesday: Plan A, Plan B and Plan T

Posted on November 6, 2012 by dianabletter

The lights are on in Glen Cove, yay! A nor’easter is expected tomorrow, boo! After Hurricane Sandy, another storm is the last thing needed.

But the Tool for Tuesday is this: have a plan A, a plan B (for back-up) and then Plan T for Taking Care of Yourself.

My friend, Joelle, has a boyfriend who’s unreliable. So whenever she makes a plan with him, she always has two extra back-up plans.  Plan B and Plan T. Nobody except those in your trusted inner circle needs to know what Plan T is…Choose your confidantes wisely. That plan T might save your life. It will certainly free you from resentment because you’re not depending on someone else to take care of you.

Tool for Tuesday: Make sure you’ve got a Plan T.

 

Posted in Tool For Tuesday | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Who’s Gonna Listen to You Complain: Hurricane, Insane, Needless Pain, More Rain…?

Posted on November 4, 2012 by dianabletter

Reporting from Glen Cove, Long Island, where Hurricane Sandy is still devastating the population, my sister Cynthia said that on every corner there is a traffic accident (no traffic lights), four-hour wait for gas to fill her car, no credit cards but where can you get cash? No food in the refrigerator, no refrigerator, a grill but nothing to cook on it, no electricity for days in sight, no heat, no showers, no school, no nothing. She had to go to the police station – which she reported was complete mayhem—to call an ambulance for my mother who had run out of oxygen and was shivering in the cold, cold house.

All we can do is get through this next minute. I was about to tell her to call a friend for some comic relief until I remembered that she doesn’t have a phone line and her cell-phone has no more juice. So I’m putting it out there: send up your prayers for the good people who are in the middle of Hurricane Sandy. Hold them in the light.

Sometimes all we can do is accept what we can’t change…and just get by.

Posted in Acceptance, Self-Talk | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Tool For Tuesday: Pray Up

Posted on October 30, 2012 by dianabletter

If you feel like you’ve reached the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on. Hurricane Sandy is on a path of destruction.

To all my friends in harm’s way, I am holding you in the light. Nothing to do but pray up. Pray up.

Tool for Tuesday: Pray up.

Posted in Acceptance, Being a Hero In Your Life, Tool For Tuesday | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Everybody Needs An Ideal Reader

Posted on October 28, 2012 by dianabletter

Marilyn Warner

The winner of my Ideal Reader Award is Marylin Warner. What does that mean? If you’re a writer, you write with that one person in mind who you are trying to communicate with. As Pico Iyer said, “Writing is, in the end, that oddest of anomalies: an intimate letter to a stranger.”I found Marylin Warner — or, to be more accurate, she found me via this blog.

We all pay homage to writers, but I want to pay homage to readers. Writers need readers–smart, perceptive, voracious, curious, inquisitive, patient readers. I tip my hat.

Diana: So, Marylin, tell us about yourself.

Marylin: I grew up in Fort Scott, Kansas, in the southeast corner of the state. The terrain is a swath of the Ozarks, which is amazingly beautiful in the fall and spring. Fort Scott is just a few miles from the Missouri border, a true pre-Civil War town that has restored the entire original fort. After my father died, my brother and I sold the family home and moved our mother into a nice assisted care facility (hers is full care), and this is where I drive to visit her each month.

Diana: Yes, your powerful blog deals with visiting your mother and things you want to tell her. Readers can find it here. Tell us about your reading history, please.

Marylin: I’ve always loved reading. When I was eight I begged my mother to get us a World Book Encyclopedia set, and to show how much I valued the purchase, one summer I chose at random a topic from one of the volumes and either wrote or delivered orally a report on the topic. I did this EVERY day that summer. For myself, my favorite mystery series was TRIXIE BELDEN. With my own money I bought the entire series because the local library didn’t carry it (they thought the Nancy Drew books were enough).

In college I was an English/speech/education major who was embarrassed to learn I’d never heard of or read anything by John Steinbeck, possibly because the school had chosen to follow the ban against him. During my freshman year I was taking a full class load in college, but I also privately read all of Steinbeck’s books, which formed the base of my appreciation for American writers. Because of the demands of college and graduate school, my reading base is strong, though I like reading best when I choose the books instead of having them assigned.

Lately I’ve been drawn to books by Dublin writer Tana French (especially FAITHFUL PLACE) and London writer Erin Kelly (especially THE POISON TREE). The nonfiction writers I return to again and again are Anne LaMott and Kate Braestrup (especially HERE IF YOU NEED ME), and many of the books by fiction writers Dennis Lehane and Stewart O’Nan.

Diana: Thank you, Marylin. To toot her horn, she is the winner of the Writers Studio Literary Contest this year. (It’s open only to Colorado residents but details are here.) She has also won a Highlights Magazine writing contest which she entered on a dare.

When I write, I often feel isolated and silly, like I’m painting on a cave walls that are about to get washed out in the rain. It’s wonderful to know that there are people out there, somewhere, willing to read our work.

Who is your ideal reader? We have to live our lives and write our stories…but it’s nice to know there are people cheering us on.

I got the idea of thinking about my ideal reader from Duolit’s social media course, “How to Be an Indie Author Rockstar.” Toni and Shannon have wonderful suggestions and their website is worth a visit here.

Posted in Writers, Writing, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Perfect Universe Contains Imperfections

Posted on October 25, 2012 by dianabletter

‘Fessing our faults is freeing. Fear of not being perfect holds us back.

I once made a terrific blunder while working at The Southampton Press. I wrote that a proposed school budget was $14,000,000 when it was only $12,000,000 (or something like that, details have been blurred in my brain). I was so mad at myself. But did you ever read the Corrections Page of The New York Times? There are always corrections. We are only as perfect as our last mistake.

This blog was inspired by the honesty of Carla King who runs a Self-publishing boot camp work camp and has published books on self-publishing. She reminds authors to proof-read, proof-read, proof-read and had a typo in her newsletter and had to send an Oops! follow-up email.

Every Friday night, when my family sits down to a big meal, we go around the table and each of us shares our Happiness of the Week and also our Embarrassing Moment of the Week. This tradition is great because we can turn our mistakes into funny anecdotes.

Japanese artists always make one intended mistake in their paintings. Because:

A perfect universe contains imperfections.

Posted in Being a Hero In Your Life, How to Change Your Life, self-printing, Writers, Writing | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Tool For Tuesday: Don’t Dance the Either/Or Tango

Posted on October 23, 2012 by dianabletter

Either I love him or I hate him…either I am angry at him or I adore him…

We don’t have to do that either/or tango. We can love someone and still be angry at them–even though it’s tough.

When Wilbur the pig first met Charlotte in Charlotte’s Web, he thought, “What a gamble friendship is! Charlotte is fierce, brutal, scheming, bloodthirsty—everything I don’t like.”

But Wilbur said that underneath Charlotte’s cruel exterior, she had a kind heart, and she was to prove loyal and true to the very end. I love that book. It teaches me that we don’t have to do that either/or thing. We can love and accept people not only despite how complicated they are but because of how complicated we all are.

So what are three qualities you might not like about the person you love? She’s temperamental, sharp-tongued and fiery, let’s say. So put those qualities on the table. Then be like Wilbur and love all of them. They are sloppy and stubborn and I still love ’em. They drive me crazy and I still love ’em. Love ’em at their worst just like we want them to love us.

Tool For Tuesday: It don’t gotta be either/or. It can be and…and…and…I still love ’em.

Posted in Relationships, Tool For Tuesday | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

On Pomegranates and Procrastination

Posted on October 21, 2012 by dianabletter

Pomegranate Orchard

Did you ever see pomegranates hanging on a tree? They are nature’s Christmas baubles! Jonny and I bicycled into a pomegranate orchard yesterday. At first I wasn’t going to bring a camera. And I wasn’t even going to go…I thought, “Oh it’s so silly, I shouldn’t be wasting
my time doing this…”

But then I thought, carpe diem. I’ll miss the moment. And I was right because…the very next day, they were harvested. They’re all gone! So what’s the lesson?

Find one thing you’ve been putting off doing…and do it. Set an egg timer if you think you’re going to get overwhelmed. Write it down. Call a friend and say what you want to do. Tell me what you avoided doing but did. Sometimes we think we’re taking care of ourselves by being lazy…but we’re not. Sometimes we think we’re indulging ourselves…but we’re not. We can enjoy life’s bounty without feeling guilty that we “should” be doing something more important.

It’s a nice planet. We’ll take it. That’s from Mars Attack – the movie. But it is a nice planet. Enjoy it. (There are other great lines from movies on the site here.)

Take care of yourself. Do something you don’t want to do. Do something you feel you shouldn’t be doing. Do something.

Posted in Acceptance, Be Less You To Be More You | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Easy Does It — Working From the Inside Out

Posted on October 18, 2012 by dianabletter

I am editing my bonus handbook, Tried & True Tricks and Tips To Be A Calmer Mom. This little booklet contains gems of support and encouragement that people who buy my book, The Mom Who Took Off On Her Motorcycle, will receive FREE.

One thing that dazzled me is this idea: Easy Does It works from the inside out.

So, calm thyself, dearie, and the people around you will calm down. You get quiet, they’ll get quieter. You catch your breath and center yourself, the kids and any wild ones whirling around you will feel your wave of serenity. They’ll catch it. They’ll ride that wave with you.

How to change your life? Remember:

Easy does it starts from the inside out. Everything, everything, everything starts from the inside out.

Almost everything…I was searching for what to say at a time of grief and ran out of words. Here’s a link to my article that appeared in The New York Times on October 13, 2012:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/13/opinion/when-words-do-not-suffice.html?_r=0

 

Posted in How to Change Your Life, Self-Talk | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Tool For Tuesday: Even Things Shouldn’t Be Homeless.

Posted on October 16, 2012 by dianabletter

 

 

Today’s Tool for Tuesday was inspired by Gretchen Rubin’s terrific twitter that if you can’t find something, it means you have to clean up.

Where did I put my keys? Where did I put my phone? Where did I put my glasses? Would someone pleeeaaase help me find my wallet?

Sound familiar? Of course it does!

How many seconds and minutes of our lives have been spent looking for lost things? My sister said that if she added up all those moments, she has probably spent the equivalent of three whole months of her life searching for missing items. (This doesn’t include the time I spent looking for my daughter, Libby, who was lost at a ski area when she was four!)

Wouldn’t it be great if everything had a tracking device like our cell-phones? You call it and it rings, answering happily. But our keys our silent. So is our wallet.

Just like people shouldn’t go homeless, neither should things. Everything needs a place. Everything in your house needs a spot it calls its own. Your belongings need to belong somewhere.

Didn’t you set up a password for your email account? Set up a place that you remember for each thing. Hang your car keys away from the front door but don’t throw them on the counter. Put your handbag on a shelf. Give your glasses a nose. (I use a branch that happens to look like the perfect proboscis.) Make a list. Save time and useless anxiety playing hide-and-seek with inanimate objects.

How to change your life today? Change your seconds. Improve each minute. Give your things a home so you don’t waste precious moments looking for your things when you could be doing something new, exciting and different.

Posted in Tool For Tuesday | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Knowledge Means Unlearning

Posted on October 14, 2012 by dianabletter

In her poweful book, The Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood talks about a future world and the reeducation of women—forcing them to become stupider, depriving them of the right to read, study, work and learn.

That’s a frightening prospect because education is power. There’s nothing like learning. There’s also unlearning. That is, unlearning old behavior that no longer works for us.

Here’s an example: one of my neighbors—I’ll call her Fiona—always used to panic because her son forgot his glasses every day before school. She’d then “have to” (her words) hop into the car and drive his glasses to school.

“I can’t not bring him in glasses,” Fiona moaned, very depressed and helpless. “What would he do?”

She kept doing this until it became obvious to her that if she kept rescuing her son, enabling him when he forgot his glasses, he’d never learn how to be responsible for himself. What she thought was being a good mother—going out of her way to help her kid—was working against him.

She had to unlearn her behavior. She had to sit with the discomfort that comes with unlearning an old habit and trying something new.

So much of what we do is automatic pilot. When we become aware that what we’re doing might not be in the best interest of others and ourselves we have to stop and unlearn.

Sometimes other people will be angry with our new way of being. But we can’t let the fear of other people’s disapproval stop us from thinking and living authentically.

What might you need to unlearn today?

Posted in countering depression, Other people and us, Relationships, Self-care, Transformation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments