Are You Burning? That Means You’re Learning.

“Did you get my Adidas?” my husband, Jonny, asked me.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said.

But in truth, I hadn’t really checked. Jonny and my stepson had three pairs of shoes delivered and I hadn’t paid attention to which kind of shoes they were.

He didn’t get the Adidas.

I was not thorough. I felt what I call “the burn” when I see my faults clearly. But that’s where the change comes in. You learn through the burn.

I had to make the mistake to see something in myself that wasn’t exactly pretty. Maybe learning thoroughness right now will prevent me from skipping over something in the future that will be far more important.

It’s painful to see our mistakes and our shortcomings. But we have to accept our imperfections in order to grow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I gloss over details that are not important to me. A stunning turn of phrase in a book catches my attention but someone else’s shoes do not. So I’m learning.

What do you see about yourself that you can change today? That’s transformation and we don’t ever have to stop growing and changing.

It’s only when we mess up, and ’fess up, that we can grow.

Posted in Self-Talk, Transformation | 6 Comments

Life Doesn’t Come to You. You Make it Happen.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Liz Jansen, author of Women, Motorcycles and the Road to Empowerment on my blog here. Liz has great insights into transformation and other subjects. This time round, she interviewed me on her blog. But not only that! I got to do my first podcast here:

http://lizjansen.com/blog/the-mom-who-took-off-on-her-motorcycle

You can watch the video or listen to our interview via her website.

In other news, I’m learning that what we say is what we need to listen to. Liz quoted me saying something like, “Life doesn’t come to you. You make it happen.”

Thought of the day: Our words have power. Stop and listen.

Posted in Being a Hero In Your Life, Transformation | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Tool For Tuesday: Act As If.

Academy Award

Academy Award (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know the goal is honesty here, not an Academy Award.

But this is a great tool. It’s a skill. If we act as if…. then the feelings catch up.

After the death of her father, Joelle said she could barely function. She had to act as if she were brave. She didn’t have the courage at first but she said she acted the way someone with courage would act. And slowly, she was able to move through her grief and reach a place of acceptance. And then the courage came along.

Trying to write a book? Act as if you take yourself seriously. Act as if you believe in yourself. As if you have the discipline to go to your desk and sit on your chair and work.

Trying to get promoted? Act as if you think you’re promotion material. Do what someone about to be promoted would do.

Dislike your neighbor? Act as if you sincerely like her. Oh yes, pray for her health, happiness and prosperity. Pray sincerely. The heart will follow.

Want to be a strong role model for your children? Act, act, act. Find someone you admire and act this new role. It really does work.

Act as if you have already experienced the transformation you are hoping for. The transformation will follow. We can make the magic in our own lives.

Today’s Tool For Tuesday: Act as if…and you will be astonished at what you can accomplish.

Posted in Tool For Tuesday, Transformation | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

John Chancellor: Habits…And How To Get Things Done

 

John Chancellor, Author and Amazon Reviewer

John Chancellor, Author and Amazon Reviewer

I’d like to welcome John Chancellor, Author of Lessons in Life – Stories that Touch the Heart, Teach the Soul who is also one of Amazon’s top 500 book reviewers. I’m eager–as I’m sure you are, too–to hear about him!

Diana: My blog is about living our best chapter each day. I know you make a list of things you are grateful for each day. Could you tell us some other things you try to do each day?

John Chancellor: The first thing I would say is I love the Yoda quote, “No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”  I have learned that if I “try” to do something, I am giving myself permission not to do it.  I have found that the only way to get any important tasks done is to fully commit to doing it.  That means blocking out the time to do it.

 

One of the most important things I started doing some nine years back was to devote at least one hour to self-development each day.  This has been the most important change I have made in my life.  I developed the habit of devoting between thirty and forty-five minutes the first thing in the morning to combining exercise and reading.  I have a stationary bike and I ride it with a book in my hand.  That allows me to read at least one book per week.  I focus my reading on non-fiction so I am really expanding my knowledge of the world and people.

When I started this practice, I also started to write reviews on Amazon.com.  Initially this served as a way to record my thoughts about each book I had read in a very convenient place.  What has happened is that I gradually moved up in ranking and now am a Top 500 reviewer.  As a result, each week I get multiple offers from publishers, PR firms and authors who want to give me a copy of their book to read/review.  I have also developed some valuable friends and contacts from this practice.

I think the other important thing to focus on each day is to doing one thing that takes you closer to your major goal in life.  If you try to do too many things, it is easy to get overwhelmed and not do anything.  Get comfortable with doing one thing each day. You can always do more than one thing. The most important point is to be consistent each day with moving your life in the right direction.

Diana: your book, Lessons in Life – Stories that Touch the Heart, Teach the Soul, you write that fear is what keeps us stuck. Could you make some suggestions for how to substitute that fear for courage?

John Chancellor: I think the first thing that is helpful to know is that our brain is designed to help us survive.  It is comfortable with the things it knows to be safe and is naturally wary of anything that strays too far from anything we have done in the past…We lived in tribes because that was the only way we could survive.  So we have this strong urge to fit in, to seek approval of others and not to do things which would result in bringing unwanted attention to ourselves. 

Fear is totally natural.  Everyone experiences it. I think there are three quick suggestions that everyone can use to overcome fear. 

The first is to shine a light on our fears. 

Let me illustrate that by telling a story on myself.  When I was just six years old, I remember one night that I hung my clothes over a chair in my bedroom.  I laid the pants on the seat of the chair with the legs handing down, I hung my shirt over the back of the chair and my hat on the top of the chair.  Some time in the night, I woke and in the darkness saw the outline of a person setting in the chair.  I was terrified.  Too frightened to move or call for help.  I lay awake for some time fearing that the “burglar” in the chair was going to attack any minute.

Now I was only six and if I had thought rationally, I would have known that no burglar would have bothered to enter our house.  We had nothing worth stealing. 

When dawn finally arrived, the sun shining through the window revealed the truth.  There was no burglar.  Only the outline of my clothes and my imagination had produced the “burglar” that I was certain was going to do all manner of harm.

Whenever you are afraid of anything, the first step is to shine lots of light on the problem.  By bringing the problem into the full sunlight, you can see reality.  Fear is always about something that might happen.  You may need to take a deep breath, get grounded and ask yourself if your worst fears are likely to happen. 

The second suggestion is when you are considering taking any action that is creating fear is to remember the lessons from the Japanese Kaizen method.  The Kaizen method suggests that you take small incremental steps.  If you want to make changes in your life, instead of trying to make massive changes in a short period of time, decide to make small incremental changes on a continuous basis.  By making small changes, we bypass the emotional part of the brain that engages the fear response.  

The third point is to remember to focus on the why.  Do not focus on what could go wrong but focus on why you want to accomplish something.  If your why is strong enough, you can overcome almost any obstacle in your way.

I love this Viktor Frankl quote, “Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.”  We need to have something meaningful that we are striving for – that will help us overcome any fear.

Diana: I love your idea that “habit is the most powerful force in the world.” Could you explain that?

John Chancellor: Psychologists tell us that we are creatures of habit.  We learn to do things and once we have learned to do something, we no longer have to think about what we are doing.  We do it automatically.  Actually this is very helpful.  If we had to stop and consciously think about everything we did throughout the day, we would not get a lot done.  It is estimated that over 95 % of our daily actions are habits. 

When we think of habits, we generally think of bad ones – the ones we are always promising ourselves we will change.  But the truth is only a small percent of our habits are bad. You will be slave to your habits, so choose them wisely.

The ancient philosopher Ovid said it best, “Nothing is stronger than habit.”

Diana: I also loved the story about George Dantzig, who solved a problem that others in his class could not because he didn’t know it was “unsolvable.” Could you explain more about that?

John Chancellor: For those that don’t know the story, let me give a brief recap.  George Dantzig was a graduate student studying statistics.  He was late to class one morning and saw two problems written on the blackboard.  He naturally assumed they were homework problems and copied them down.  He worked on them and eventually solved them.  He handed in his work and the professor (Jerzy Neyman) just threw them in the stack of other work on his desk.  George thought they would surely be lost.

A few weeks later on a Sunday morning, the professor was knocking on George’s door.  Only then did George learn that the problems were currently thought to be unsolvable by all the statistic community.

If George had realized everyone thought the problems could not be solved, he would most likely have accepted that conclusion.

We do this all the time.  We assume limitations for what we can accomplish in life.  Our biggest obstacles are generally self-imposed and become self-fulfilling prophecies.

I love what Henry Ford said about this, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you are probably right.”

Diana:  Finally, what are you writing now? 

John Chancellor: I write a weekly blog called Lessons in Life.  It is rather short and I try to give people something to think about to make their life better.  It is published each Monday morning and it is totally free.  I find it therapeutic for me to write these Lessons.  There is nothing that makes us learn something quite as fast as trying to share/teach it to others.

I am also developing a set of “flash cards” that contain a series of messages the people can run through in a couple of minutes each day.  I am an avid reader but even I rarely read a book twice.  But for us to internalize lessons we need spaced repetition.  I think the best way to gain this is reading a series of short messages daily.

One last thing, if any of your readers would like a copy of the Lessons in Life – Stories that Touch the Heart, Teach the Soul, please feel free to provide them with the PDF file.

Diana: I will! Thank you, John! Anyone interested in signing up for John’s blog can do so here:

http://www.teachthesoul.com/

It’s wonderful when people want to pass along spiritual insights! Remember: Do not focus on what could go wrong but focus on why you want to accomplish something. 

On a separate note, if you want to know more about daily life in Israel, check out my article in today’s Wall Street Journal here:

Phttp://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324787004578496750170628768.html?mod=WSJ_Opinion_LEFTTopBucket

 

Posted in miracles, Other people and us, Transformation, Writing, Your Best Chapter | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

I’m honored that Marylin Warner who writes a moving blog tribute to her mother–including thoughts on literature, philosophy, history and the beauty of snowy winters–has nominated my post, “If You Lose It, You Lose It,” for a Best Moment Award. Here’s Marylin’s post with the announcement: Dear Mom, Do you remember the December 2012 post “Que Sera Sera”?  It was about our neighbor building a fallout shelter, and the funny secret–and a serious lesson–you shared with me about why we didn’t want to also build a shelter. Last week Brittnay DeLong of http://busygirlhealth.wordpress.com/ selected “Que Sera Sera” for a special award. The BEST MOMENT AWARD is different from other awards because it’s for only one post, a reader’s favorite “best moment.”  ”Que Sera Sera” was one of your favorite posts, too.  When I read the post aloud to you, we laughed about how the schools had children hiding under their desks, and parents were encouraged to have special “plans” ready during the Cold War. (For the complete post, go to  http://warnerwriting.wordpress.com/2012/12/23/que-sera-sera-2/ )  For both of us, Mom, I proudly accept this award and sincerely thank Brittnay. Today our blog, “Things I Want To Tell My Mother,” is nominating 8 special, specific posts for the BEST MOMENT AWARD.  These are truly  exceptional and memorable posts, and we hope our readers will click on the links and enjoy them: ~Darla Writes http://darsba.wordpress.com/2013/05/11/mothers-day-stories-collection/ ~The Best Chapter http://thebestchapter.com/2013/04/30/tool-for-tuesday-if-you-lose-it-you-lose-it/ ~Poems from Oostburg, Wisconsin http://ellenolinger.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/help-thanks-wow-by[anne-lamott/ ~Earthrider http://earth-rider.com/2013/04/20/musical-memories-and-love/ ~Just Rod http://reflectionsinpuddles.com/2013/05/15/the-new-shoes/ ~Wacky World of Writing http://tracycampbell.net/blog/meet-budding-picassos/ The last two award nominees have very diverse posts, but their stories about being bloggers (one in America and the other in the UK) who became friends and visited with their families and then wrote posts about the visit deserve an award for each of them! ~Is it me?  http://tomstronach.blog.spot.com/2012/09/julia-and-oscar_8.html

~Julia Barrett’s World http://juliarachelbarrett.net/2012/09/new-friends/ _____________________________________________________________

Rules for the BEST MOMENT AWARD:  1. These nominees (now winners) repost this completely with their acceptance speech. 2. Winners now have the privilege of awarding the next awardees! The re-post should include a Thank You for those who helped them, a NEW list of people and blogs worthy of the award (up to 15), and the winners posted here will notify their choices with the great news of receiving this special award.    Download the award’s logo at MomentMatters.com/Award Cold War prep. ~ LIFE Mag. Marylin Warner and her mother Mary Shepherd with "Flat Grace" project Marylin Warner and her mother Mary Shepherd with “Flat Grace Project.” So there you have it. “If you lose it, you lose it” wins! And drumroll, please: I nominate http://suellewellyn2011.wordpress.com/life-in-a-greek-village-samos-island/a-greek-tragedy-life-in-a-village-on-samos-island/ Facts on the assault on Israel’s legitimacy and the cover-up of the truth: http://cifwatch.com/2013/05/18/guardian-promotes-book-by-one-stater/ and Marilyn Slagel on being a newbie at a writer’s conference: http://marilynslagel.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/the-conference-newbie/

Posted in Acceptance | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Who’s Your Safe Room?

My friend Joelle called me to complain about her boyfriend’s sister the other day. Joelle used to complain about Connie to her boyfriend but that only caused arguments between them. Now she’s learned. What do you accomplish when you diss someone else’s family? Nothing. Not worth it. Only causes a case of torn loyalties. Makes the guy/gal you love feel like they have to choose. Don’t go there.

Find someone to be your safe room. Someone not connected to the situation who will listen to you. Find someone who will hear what you have to say so you can say it and let it go and not keep spinning your wheels in the mud.

You’re not going to always like people you have to love. But you don’t have to share every feeling with your partner. You might want him to second that emotion but he’ll never see his family the way you do. Just like you have a blind spot for your family, too.

Find a safe room. Spill your stuff. Give the person a funny nickname. (Joelle calls Connie C.A., the Con Artist.) Think of three things you can always learn from the person. Tolerance. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Those are big words and it’s only the people who annoy us the most who can teach us these lessons.

Remember: We don’t get to transform anyone else but ourselves. That’s the art. That’s our life-long job. Taking care of ourselves means finding a person to be our safe room.

Posted in Relationships, Self-care | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments

Tool For Tuesday: If You Spot It, You Got It.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy friend Lily had a presentation to prepare for at a major business conference. A colleague of hers—we’ll call her Sandra—said, “I hope your presentation isn’t going to be boring and full of details.”

Lily said defensively, “It isn’t!” But Lily was nervous…until she sat through Sandra’s presentation which was…of course…boring and full of details!

If you spot it, you got it.

Say about someone, “he doesn’t like me.” The truth really is that you don’t like him.

Say that your neighbor is judgmental. Are you—just a wee bit—judgmental? Or have you already caught that trait in yourself, worked on transforming your character defects, and now can recognize it–almost in hindsight–in someone else?

I’m a perfectionist…I spot that in others right away. I’ve always felt critical of myself, so I’m in tune to people who are still finding flaws in everything and everybody.

So if we spot something we’re not comfortable with, then we can transform ourselves by substituting the opposite. Don’t like people who talk too much? Practice saying less. Don’t like giving reviews about people? Practice forgiveness. And, look for things we like in others and strive for them. I admire my friend Lily’s determination. I see it in her and want to develop that in myself.

Tool for Tuesday: You spot it in someone else, recognize that what you see is in yourself. The world is a mirror. A reflection of our souls. We see others the way we see ourselves.

Posted in Tool For Tuesday, Transformation | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

On Motherhood and Self-Publishing: Tania Elfersy, Author of Purple Leaves, Red Cherries

Tania Elfersy, Author of Purple Leaves, Red Cherries

Tania Elfersy, Author of Purple Leaves, Red Cherries

I’m  happy to welcome Tania Elfersy, author of Purple Leaves, Red Cherries, an award-winning book for Moms. The reflections of the women in the book (interspersed with lovely illustrations) are intimate and emotional and also entertaining. Here’s my interview with Tania:

Diana: Tania, you self-published Purple Leaves, Red Cherries. Do you have suggestions for people interested in self-publishing their own books?

Tania: I have a few useful suggestions:

  1. Educate yourself. Before you start out, read and learn as much as you can on self-publishing. You should be clear why you want to self-publish. You should also be aware that for many self-published authors (myself included), marketing a book requires more energy than writing one.
  2. Publish professionally. If you hope to sell copies of your book and you’d like your readers to enjoy it, invest in the publishing process: hire a professional editor, proofreader and designer.
  3. View your book as your start-up. Hold on to your passion, become business savvy and be prepared to stay around for the long run.

Diana: You’re the mother of small children—how do you set up your schedule to work?

Tania: I start bringing my kids home by 1 pm, so planning my mornings is essential. I write my to-do list the night before and try and complete my most challenging tasks first. My most productive days are often those when I don’t open email or check my social media channels until midday.

Diana: Is there something you do (or try to do!) each day to take care of yourself?

Tania: I try to practice yoga at least three times a week and drink three huge mugs (jugs!) of green and herbal tea each day. With young kids at home, both activities require a high level of dedication!

Finally, what are some of your next Purple Leaves, Red Cherries projects?

In June, Purple Leaves, Red Cherries will be published in Hebrew, which I’m hoping will be the first of many foreign language editions.

I’m also working on additional services that will support new moms in conjunction with the book. One such service is a two part workshop that uses stories from the book to help new moms recognize the impact motherhood has had on their lives, and provides tools to help them cope with the new challenges they face.

Thank you, Tania!

As an extra, you can receive your FREE Mother’s Day gift for mamas worldwide! Download a free Kindle version of the award-winning book for moms, Purple Leaves, Red Cherries. Available on all Amazon websites (search “Purple Leaves, Red Cherries”) until 11.59 Pacific Time, May 16, 2013. No Kindle device required. http://amzn.to/161fN7a

Posted in Self-care, self-printing, Self-publishing, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mother’s Day: A Mother’s Top Ten Commandments

  1. If you lose it, you lose it. Don’t lose control. If you do, then your kids will lose control and a bad situation only gets worse.
  2. Happy mother, happy children. Your children are your mirrors. If you’re judgmental, critical, and unhappy, your children will be, too.
  3. Respect children’s dignity. Never reprimand them in front of other people. Never hit them. Hurt children hurt children. Actually, hurt children go on to hurt everybody, including themselves.
  4. Never tell them that they are bad. There’s no such thing as a bad boy or a bad girl. They might do wrong but they are never inherently bad.
  5. Let them understand that they can feel sorry for what they did but not for who they are. You want them to have a healthy sense of self, not shame.
  6. Love your children without strings attached. They will one day leave you. They might never thank you for all you did for them. Taking care of them is the highest form of love there is. So do it without expectations. Remember the equation: no expectations = great happiness.
  7. Don’t focus on your spouse or partner’s relationship to your children. Flowers need sun and rain. If someone in you and your kids’ life is acting like rain, just be a stronger sun.
  8. Don’t react, respond. Let there be a moment’s breath between your first thoughts and your words.
  9. Remember to tell your kids that you love them each day.
  10. Remember to tell your very own self that you love you. Mother your children and mother yourself. Know that you are doing the best you can. You are!

Thus spoke the Mom Who Took off on her motorcycle. And finally, as my own mother always says, “Mother is not the first part of a hyphenated curse word!” Thanks, Mom! You taught me vision. That means not to see the world as it should be but the way things are.  Reminder: MOM is WOW spelled upside down.

The Mom Who Took Off On Her Motorcycle Flash Sale: $8.99 here:

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Who-Took-Off-Motorcycle/dp/0985343206/ref=la_B001KI5ARY_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368340186&sr=1-1

Posted in How to Change Your Life, Other people and us | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Writing From The Heart: Here’s Your Chance To Sell Your Stuff

I’m a big fan of Danielle LaPorte and I’m happy to announce she’s starting a new magazine full of inspiration and insights. If you are twitching to write, here’s your chance…She’s calling for submissions for the first issue of Danielle, debuting in September. And they pay, too, which is always a bonus.

Two things she’s looking for: the first is a section called LOVE LOVE. Obviously, about that amazing awe-inspiring four-letter word, LOVE, and how it’s turned your life around, including the up’s and down’s.

Then there’s “I Used to be…And now I am…” Stories about transformation. What you used to be like and what you are now. How did you get here from there.

Maybe you were keen on mentally berating yourself and now you’ve switched to being your best cheerleader. Or maybe you were like the man who was a racist and then ended up adopting two African-American boys as seen on Oprah‘s show a while ago.

 

 

I love stories like that. Because they are experiences that turn into something grand. A flip-flop of the heart. For further details, check out Danielle’s request here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.daniellelaporte.com/general-announcements/danielle-magazine-call-for-submissions/?inf_contact_key=6396106041fe2046a0cbc9163be54af87eea80f692bdb6a929d474dcfc130d06

Write it to right your world. Write it down. You have nothing to lose. Today’s commitment to myself: Be bold.

Posted in Self-care | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment